ಆಟೋ ಮಹಾತ್ಮೆ

ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು ದಿನ ..................

ಈತ ಒಂದು ಗೋಣಿಯನ್ನು ದರ ದರ ಎಳೆದುಕೊಂಡು ಮಾರತಹಳ್ಳಿಯಲ್ಲಿ ರಸ್ತೆ ಬದಿಗೆ ಬರುತ್ತಾನೆ, ಕೈ ಎತ್ತಿ, ಕೈ ಚಾಚಿ, ಕೈ ಬೀಸಿ ಅಡ್ಡಗಟ್ಟಿ ಆಟೋ ಒಂದನ್ನು ಕಡೆಗೂ ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸುತ್ತಾನೆ.

ಆಟೋದವನು ( "ಏನಿವಾಗ?" ಎಂಬಂತೆ ಕೆಕ್ಕರಿಸಿ ನೋಡುತ್ತಾ) : ಕಿದರ್ ಜಾನಾ ಭಯ್ಯಾ ......... ?
ಈತ(ಹಲ್ಲು ಕಿರಿಯುತ್ತಾ, ಜೀಯಾ ಏನಪ್ಪಣೆ ಎಂಬಂತೆ ನೋಡುತ್ತಾ) : ಒನ್ ಅಂಡ್ ಹಾಫ್ ಕೊಡ್ತೀನಿ ಬಾಸ್
ಆಟೋ : ಎಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಬಾಸ್ ?
ಈತ : ಈ ಗೋಣಿಚೀಲದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು ಹೆಣ ಇದೆ
ಆಟೋ : ಹೆಣ ಇದ್ರೆ ಒನ್ ಅಂಡ್ ಹಾಫ್ ಆಗುತ್ತೆ !!
ಈತ : ನಾನ್ ಬರಲ್ಲ, ಈ ಹೆಣ ಸ್ಮಶಾನಕ್ಕೆ ಡ್ರಾಪ್ ಮಾಡ್ ಬಿಡಿ, ಒನ್ ಅಂಡ್ ಹಾಫ್ ಕೊಡ್ತೀನಿ ಬಾಸ್
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ಆಟೋ : ಏ ಸ್ಮಶಾನಕ್ಕೆ ಬರಲ್ಲ ಗುರು!! ರಿಟರ್ನ್ ಖಾಲಿ ಬರ್ಬೇಕು .......!

Gravitational Waves made easy

Time for another "Made easy" article! Gravitational waves! It is all over the news. What are they? What is the big deal? What is the brouhaha all about? I am offering an easy to read, layman version of the news and the Physics involved.

Firstly, think of the size of our universe. Universe is SO SO SO SO ENORMOUSLY, dazzlingly, bamboozlingly, mind bendingly BIG. It is huge, like really majestic. I mean seriously really really huge. Even if we go super duper fast in rockets we will need 1 lakh years just to cross our Galaxy. When one satellite went far away and took the photo of the earth, earth looked like a pale blue dot. Just a blue dot! A Pale blue dot!! If Bengalooreans have a hard time understanding what happens near Manglooru how will we ever understand anything happening in other parts of our galaxy if it is that big? Keep that question in mind for a while.

Let us talk about Gravitation first. We will keep it short. Let me just say that Newton's idea of gravitation cannot explain many things. It is incomplete. Einstein solved this problem with many brilliant ideas. He changed the concept of gravity.

Imagine a bed sheet streched and held by Digvijay Singh and Mani Shankar Iyer. Now say Sonia enters and keeps a basketball in the middle. This ball will press the bedsheet down and it will sink it down a bit. That is sort of how gravity works.

Gravity is not like a magnet that attracts things placed away(Newton's idea).
Gravity is like the basketball on the bed sheet that presses it down(Einstein's idea)
It creates one depression type thing, it creates a dimple on the bed sheet. It creates a warp. Now if you keep one lemon on the bed sheet it will roll towards the dimple.

Bed sheet = Space and time.
Basketball = Mass

With this in mind let us talk about Black Hole: Take a Star. Let us call it Ashwini Nakshatra. Say, it is 20 times heavier than Sun. What happens when the petrol tank of this star is empty? What happens when this Ashwini Nakshatra runs out of fuel? What happens is this:

Ask Tiger prabhakar and Sunny Deol to Crush that star. Really hard. Now the size reduces to the size of a house. Now ask Arnold Shivaji Nagara to to crush it further. Crush like crazy. It now reduces to the size of a football.Now call Rajni and ask him to crush it. It reduces to the size of an atom. Now ask Telugu film directors to crush it. What do you get? Something with almost zero volume. But the weight still is 20 times more than Sun. This version of Ashwini Nakshatra is called as Black Hole. Imagine the weight of an elephant condensed into the size of a rice grain. It will have the strength and power of the elephant but it will look like a rice grain. Black holes are like that rice grain.

Some hifi sounding terms:

Event Horizon: This is just a fancy term for the outer part of Black hole.

Singularity: Another sophisticated term for the innermost part of the black hole.

We had Tiger Prabhakar, Sunny paaji, Rajni, Arnold and all crushing the Star, right? In reality it is the Gravity which crushes it.

Remember Singularity? A flashy term for the innermost part of blackhole? Gravity there is really crazy. You take your bike and go inside a blackhole. It will suck you in like a toilet flush. If you go near the singularity, you will never come back. Gravity is so very high. Forget you, even light cannot escape such crazy gravity. Not even Rajnikanth can escape from a Singularity.

Now, what if two basketballs are dropped into that stretched bed sheet? That will create some ripples/waves in the bed sheet. Right? Something similar happened in the universe in a far far away place. 2 Blackholes collided like two trains crashing. And that created some ripples/waves in the bedsheet(Space). And we detected those ripples! We did it! YAY!!!!! So,"scientists are doing Gangnam style dance for something as silly as that" you ask?

If Shreya Ghoshal sings a song in Africa, will you be able to hear it in Bengalooru? No. Similarly if something happens in a far away place(Remember how big the universe is?) we will find it difficult to detect. These 2 blackholes collided 1 billion light year away. Meaning, light will take some 100 crore years to reach from there to Bengalooru. Not 1, not 10, 100 crore years! Also, We detected something that happened 100 crore years ago. And that is not the exciting part! Some 100 years ago Einstein said that stars and planets and stuff should make ripples/waves in space, and he used some really cool math to explain why he thought that. Lots of scientists checked the math and agreed that Einstein rocks.

But we've never been able to see those ripples before. By the time those ripples travel that long long long distance and get to us on Earth, they're extremely weak and tiny(Like how we cannot hear a song sung in Africa). Scientists have now built a hi fi 4 Km long equipment. This equipment detected the ripples/waves/Gravitational waves. We can now detect them because we have such a ridiculously precise detector. It is like if a pin is dropped in Europe we can detect it sitting in Mumbai. In short, Einstein said, you will detect these ripples and now we have detected them after 100 years! And we know that only singularities could have created such ripples/waves.

One last thing. We hear about the size of universe, stuff about other galaxies and all that, right? As I already told they are so so so so far away,nobody has actually been there. If we have never been there, how do we know what we know? Isn't it like sitting in Bengalooru and talking about Africa? We know things indirectly because of electromagnetic waves(Visible light, X-rays, radio waves etc.) Light, X Rays, Radio waves etc. are like cousins belonging to the same family. These EM waves are the eyes through which we are seeing things. Now alongwith the eyes we have an ear called Gravitational waves! And this Gravitational wave dude is not the cousin of electromagnetic waves. So, basically we have a new way of understanding what is happening in far away places of galaxies. We also have new ways to understand how our universe was formed and things like that. We had eyes, now we have an ear also. That calls for a tappanguchchi dance. Doesn't it?

ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವದ ನೆನಪುಗಳು

ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವ! ಮತ್ತೊಂದು ಬೆಂಗಳೂರು ಅಂತಾರಾಷ್ಟ್ರೀಯ ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವ ಮುಗಿಯಿತು. ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವ ಅಂದರೆ ಸಾವಿರ ನೆನಪುಗಳ ಮೆರವಣಿಗೆ. ದೇಶ-ವಿದೇಶಗಳ ಚಲನ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳು ನಮ್ಮ ಮನೆಬಾಗಿಲಿಗೇ ಬಂದು ಹುಲಿವೇಷ ಕುಣಿದ ಹಾಗೆ ಇದು. ನಸು ಬೆಳಕಿಗೆ ಎದ್ದು ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವಕ್ಕೆ ಹೊರಟರೆ ಮನಸು ಜಿಂಕೆ. ಈ ಒಕ್ಕಣೆ ನೋಡಿ ಸಿನೆಮಾಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಬರೆಯುತ್ತೇನೆ ಅಂದುಕೊಳ್ಳಬೇಡಿ. ನಾನು ಹೇಳ ಹೊರಟದ್ದು ಚಿತ್ರರಂಗದ ಕೆಲವು ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ - ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವದಲ್ಲಿ ಮತ್ತು ಅದರ ಆಸುಪಾಸಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಕಂಡಂತೆ. ಒಟ್ಟಾರೆಯಾಗಿ ಏನನ್ನೂ ಹೇಳುವ ಉದ್ದೇಶ ಇಲ್ಲದೆ ಬಿಡಿ ನೆನಪುಗಳನ್ನು ಒಟ್ರಾಶಿ ಪೋಣಿಸಿದ ಹಾಗೆ ಒಂದಷ್ಟು ಹೇಳುತ್ತೇನೆ.

ಅದು 2008. ಆಗಿನ್ನೂ ಸುಚಿತ್ರ ಫಿಲಂ ಸೊಸೈಟಿಯವರೇ ಈ ಸಿನಿಮಾ ಹಬ್ಬವನ್ನು ಮಾಡುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು.
ಪೂರ್ವಭಾವಿಯಾಗಿ Appreciating Cinematography ಅಂತ ಒಂದು ವರ್ಕ್ ಶಾಪ್ ಮಾಡಿದ್ದರು. ಜಿ ಎಸ್ ಭಾಸ್ಕರ್ ಅದರ ಕೇಂದ್ರ ಬಿಂದು. ಈ ಭಾಸ್ಕರ್ ರಮೇಶ್ ಅರವಿಂದರ ಆಕ್ಸಿಡೆಂಟ್ ಚಿತ್ರದ ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಾಹಕರು, ನಾಗೇಶ್ ಕುಕನೂರನ ಹೈದರಾಬಾದ್ ಬ್ಲೂಸ್ ಚಿತ್ರಕ್ಕೆ ಕ್ಯಾಮೆರಾ ಹಿಡಿದವರು, ಸಾಯಿ ಪರಾಂಜಪೆ, ಕಾಸರವಳ್ಳಿ ಜೊತೆಯಲ್ಲ ಇರುವವರು/ಇದ್ದವರು. ನಾಗಮಂಡಲಕ್ಕೂ ಇವರದ್ದೇ ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಹಣ. ಒಮ್ಮೆ ನೋಡಿದರೆ ಪಕ್ಕಕ್ಕೆ ಮರೆಯಲಾರೆವು ಅನ್ನಿಸುವಂತ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ. ಬುದ್ಧಿಜೀವಿ ಸ್ಟೈಲ್ ನ ಉದ್ದನೆಯ ಬಿಳೀ ಗಡ್ಡ, ತೆಳ್ಳನೆಯ ದೇಹ. ನಲ್ಲಿ ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಮರೆತರೆ ಬಕೆಟ್ ತುಂಬಿ ಉಕ್ಕಿ ಹರಿಯುವ ಹಾಗೆ ಇವರ ಮುಖದಲ್ಲಿ ನಗೆ ತುಂಬಿ ಚೆಲ್ಲುತ್ತಾ ಇರುತ್ತದೆ. ಇದು ನಿಜವಾ ತೋರಿಕೆಯಾ ಅನ್ನಿಸುವಷ್ಟು ವಿನಯ ಸಂಪನ್ನರು, ಮಗುವಿನಂತೆ ಪುಟಿಯುವ ಉತ್ಸಾಹದ ಬೊಂಬೆ ಇವರು. ಜೊತೆಗೆ ಮಲಯಾಳಂನ ಸನ್ನಿ ಜೋಸೆಫ್ ಕೂಡ ಇದ್ದರು (ಅಮೇರಿಕಾ ಅಮೇರಿಕಾಗೆ ಇವರದ್ದೇ ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಹಣ).

ನನ್ನಂತಹ ಎಳೇ ನಿಂಬೇ ಕಾಯಿಗಳೂ ಇದ್ದರು, ಈಗಾಗಲೇ ಸಿನಿಮಾ ಮಾಡಿದವರೂ ಬಂದಿದ್ದರು. Cinematography ಅಂದರೆ ಕ್ಯಾಮೆರಾದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಲೆನ್ಸ್ ಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಮಾತಾಡ್ತಾರೆ ಅಂದುಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದೆ. ಆದರೆ ಮೂರು ದಿನವೂ ಮಾತಾಡಿದ್ದು ಬೆಳಕಿನ ಬಗ್ಗೆಯೇ. ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಹಣ ಅಂದರೆ ನೆರಳು ಬೆಳಕಿನ ಆಟ, ಬೆಳಕೇ ಸರ್ವಸ್ವ, ನಾವು ರಾತ್ರಿ ಮಾತ್ರ ಬೆಳಕಿನ ಚಿಂತೆ ಮಾಡಿದರೆ ಒಬ್ಬ ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಾಹಕನಿಗೆ ಹಗಲಲ್ಲಿಯೂ ಬೆಳಕಿನದ್ದೇ ಯೋಚನೆ. ಆತನದ್ದು ಯಾವಾಗಲೂ Painting with light ಅನ್ನಬಹುದಾದ ಕೆಲಸ ಅಂತ ಗೊತ್ತಾಯಿತು. ಇಂಗ್ಲಿಷಿನ ಸಿನಿಮಾಟೋಗ್ರಫಿ ಅನ್ನುವ ಪದಕ್ಕಿಂತ ನಮ್ಮ "ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಹಣ"ವೇ ಹೆಚ್ಚು ಅರ್ಥಪೂರ್ಣ ಅಂತ ಭಾಸ್ಕರ್ ಹೇಳಿದ್ದು ಈಗಲೂ ನೆನಪಿದೆ. ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಹಣ ಅಂದರೆ capturing the shadows, ಒಬ್ಬ cinematographer ಮಾಡುವ ಕೆಲಸಕ್ಕೆ ಇದಕ್ಕಿಂತ ಸೊಗಸಾದ ವಿವರಣೆ ಇಲ್ಲ ಅನ್ನುವುದು ಭಾಸ್ಕರ್ ಅವರ ಅಂಬೋಣ. ಗಾಡ್ ಫಾದರ್ ಚಿತ್ರದಲ್ಲಿ ಮಾಡಿದ ಲೈಟಿಂಗ್ ಅನ್ನು ನಮ್ಮ ಎದುರೇ ಪ್ರಾತ್ಯಕ್ಷಿಕೆ ಮಾಡಿ ತೋರಿಸಿದ್ದೂ ಆಯಿತು. ಅಂತೂ ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಹಣದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ಬೆಳಕು ಚೆಲ್ಲಿದರು ಅನ್ನಬಹುದು!!

ಕಾರಂಜಿ ಚಿತ್ರ ಮಾಡಿದ್ದ, ಈಗ "ಜಾಲಿ ಬಾರು ಮತ್ತು ಪೋಲಿ ಗೆಳೆಯರು" ಮಾಡುತ್ತಿರುವ ಶ್ರೀಧರ್ ಕೂಡ ಇದ್ದರು. ಒಳ್ಳೆ ಸಾಹಿತ್ಯ ಮತ್ತು ಸಿನಿಮಾ ಅಭಿರುಚಿ ಇರುವ ಶ್ರೀಧರ್ ಜೊತೆ ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ಹರಟಿದ್ದೆ ಅಂತ ನೆನಪು. ನಟ ಅನಿರುದ್ಧ ಕೂಡ ಬಂದಿದ್ದರು. ಇವರ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಒಂದಷ್ಟು ಹೇಳಲೇ ಬೇಕು. ಹೀರೋ ಆಗಿದ್ದವರು, ವಿಷ್ಣುವರ್ಧನ್ ಅಳಿಯ, ಆಗ ಏನೋ ಟೀವಿ ಶೋ ನಿರೂಪಣೆಯೂ ಮಾಡ್ತಾ ಇದ್ದರು. ಆದರೂ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪವೂ ಹಮ್ಮು ಬಿಮ್ಮು ಇಲ್ಲದೆ ತಮಾಷೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾ ಹಾಯಾಗಿ ಇದ್ದರು. ನಾನು ಸಂಕೋಚದ ಪ್ರಾಣಿ, ಹೇಗೆ ಮಾತಾಡಿಸುವುದು ಅಂತ ಗೊತ್ತಾಗಲಿಲ್ಲ. ನಾನು ಮತ್ತು ಶ್ರೀಧರ್ ಏನೋ ಪಟ್ಟಾಂಗ ಹೊಡೀತಾ ಇದ್ದಾಗ ಅಲ್ಲಿಗೇ ಬಂದರು ಅನಿರುದ್ಧ, ದನಿ ಸೇರಿಸಿದರು. ಆಮೇಲೆ ಊಟಕ್ಕೆ ನಿಂತಾಗ ಅವರೇ ಬಂದು, ಕೈ ಚಾಚಿ, "ಹಾಯ್, ನಾನು ಅನಿರುಧ್! " ಅಂತ ಅವರೇ ಬಂದು ಪರಿಚಯ ಬೇರೆ ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡರು! ಆಮೇಲೆ ಹರಟೆ ಸರಾಗವಾಯಿತು. ಲೂಸಿಯಾದಲ್ಲಿ ಮಾತ್ರೆ ಮಾರುವವನಾಗಿದ್ದ, ಮನಸಾರೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಡಾಕ್ಟರಾಗಿದ್ದ ಬಾಲಾಜಿ ಮನೋಹರ್ ಕೂಡ ಇದ್ದರು, ಆತನೋ ಬಲು ತಮಾಷೆ ಮನುಷ್ಯ. ನೋಡಿದರೆ ಗಂಭೀರ ಮುಖ ಮುದ್ರೆ, ಮಾಡಿದ್ದೂ ವಿಲನ್ ಪಾತ್ರಗಳು, ಆದರೆ ಕಾಲು ಎಳೆಯುತ್ತಲೇ ಇರುವ, ನಿಮಿಷಕ್ಕೊಂದು ಜೋಕು ಸಿಡಿಸುವ ಭಯಂಕರ ತಮಾಷೆ ಆಸಾಮಿ ಈ ಬಾಲಾಜಿ. ಸನ್ನಿ ಜೋಸೆಫ್ ರಿಗೆ ಹಾಯ್ ಹೇಳಲಿಕ್ಕೆಂದೇ ನಟ ರಮೇಶ್ ಬಂದಿದ್ದರು, ಛಾಯಾಗ್ರಾಹಕ ಎಚ್ ಎಂ ರಾಮಚಂದ್ರ ಅತಿಥಿಯಾಗಿ ಭೇಟಿ ಕೊಟ್ಟಿದ್ದರು, Tarkovskyಯ Stalker ಚಿತ್ರದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಮಾತಾಡಿದರು. ಎಲ್ಲಕ್ಕೆ ಕಲಶ ಇಟ್ಟ ಹಾಗೆ ಪ್ಯಾಸಾ, ಕಾಗಝ್ ಕೇ ಫೂಲ್, ಪಾಕೀಜಾ ಖ್ಯಾತಿಯ ವಿ ಕೆ ಮೂರ್ತಿ ಬಂದು ಎರಡು ಮಾತಾಡಿದ್ದರು.

ಆಮೇಲೆ ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವ ಶುರು ಆಗಿಯೇ ಬಿಟ್ಟಿತು, ಶಾಂತಿ ನಗರದ ವಿಷನ್ ಸಿನೆಮಾಸ್ ನಲ್ಲಿ ಮತ್ತೆ ಇನ್ನೊಂದೆರಡು ಕಡೆ. ಅಪ್ಪಿ ತಪ್ಪಿ ಒಳ್ಳೆ ಚಿತ್ರ ಕಣ್ಣಿಗೆ ಬಿದ್ದರೆ ಕಷ್ಟ ಅಂತ ಕನ್ನಡ ಚಿತ್ರರಂಗದವರು ವಿಷನ್ ಸಿನೆಮಾಸ್ನ ದಿಕ್ಕಿನಲ್ಲಿ ತಲೆ ಹಾಕಿಯೂ ಮಲಗಲಿಲ್ಲ! ಸರಿಯಾಗಿ ಬಂದವರು ಅನಿರುದ್ಧ, ದತ್ತಣ್ಣ ಇಬ್ಬರೇ. ಶುಭಾ ಪೂಂಜಾ ಅಲ್ಲೊಮ್ಮೆ ಇಲ್ಲೊಮ್ಮೆ ಕಾಣಿಸಿಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದರು, ಬೆಂಜ್ ಕಾರೊಂದು ಭರ್ರನೆ ಬಂದು ಅದರಿಂದ ನಾಗತಿಹಳ್ಳಿ ಮತ್ತು ವಿಷ್ಣುವರ್ಧನ್ ಇಳಿದಿದ್ದರು(ಒಂದು ಶೋ ಇಗೆ). ಮನದೀಪ್ ರಾಯ್ ಇದ್ದರು. ಒಂದು ಶೋಗೆ ಅನಂತಮೂರ್ತಿ ಕೂತಿದ್ದರು.

ನಾನು ಮತ್ತು ಗೆಳೆಯನೊಬ್ಬ ಫ್ರೆಂಚ್ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳು, ಟರ್ಕಿಷ್ ಸಿನಿಮಾ ಇವುಗಳ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಎಲ್ಲ ವಾಚಾಮಗೋಚರ ಚಚ್ಚುತ್ತ ನಿಂತಿದ್ದೆವು. ಒಬ್ಬ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ ನಮ್ಮನ್ನೇ ಒಂದು ಐದು ನಿಮಿಷ ಗಮನಿಸಿ, ಆಮೇಲೆ ಬಂದು ಕೈ ಕುಲುಕಿ ಮಾತಿಗೆ ಸೇರಿಕೊಂಡರು. "ನಾನು 'ರಾಕಿ' ಅನ್ನೋ ಪಿಚ್ಚರಲ್ಲಿ ಮಾಡಿದೀನಿ" ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಿಕೊಂಡರು. "ಓ ಹೌದಾ" ಅಂದೆವು . Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid ಚಿತ್ರದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ, ನಾನು ತುಂಬಾ ಇಷ್ಟ ಪಡುವ Theo Angelopoulos(ಗ್ರೀಸ್ ದೇಶದವ)ನ ಚಿತ್ರದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಎಲ್ಲ ಹತ್ತು ನಿಮಿಷ ಹರಟಿದ್ದಾಯಿತು. ಅಂದ ಹಾಗೆ ಆ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ ಯಾರು ಅಂತ ಹೇಳಲೇ ಇಲ್ಲ, ಆಗ ನಮ್ಮ ಜೊತೆ ಮಾತಾಡಿದ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿ ಇವತ್ತು ದುಶ್ಮನ್ ಕಹಾ ಹೈ ಅಂತ ಹುಡುಕುತ್ತಿರುವ, ಸಾಕಷ್ಟು ಯಶ ಕಂಡಿರುವ ಯಶ್! ಆಗಲೇ ಹೀರೋ ಆಗಿದ್ದ ಅವರನ್ನ ನಾವು ಗುರುತಿಸಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ ಅಂತ ಅವರೇ ಬಂದು ಪರಿಚಯ ಮಾಡಿಕೊಂಡಿದ್ರಾ ? ಹೇಳುವುದು ಕಷ್ಟ.

ಆ ಶಾಂತಿ ನಗರದಲ್ಲಿ ಒಂದು ಸರಿಕಟ್ಟು ಹೋಟೆಲ್ ಇರಲಿಲ್ಲ, ಇರುವ ಸಾಧಾರಣ ಹೋಟೆಲಿಗೂ ದೂರ ನಡೆಯಬೇಕು. ಒಂದು ದಿನ ನಾನು, ಅನಿರುದ್ಧ ಮತ್ತು ಇನ್ನೊಬ್ಬರು ಒಂದು ಚಿತ್ರ ಮುಗಿಸಿ ಬಂದೆವು. "ಊಟಕ್ಕೆ ಭಾರೀ ಕಷ್ಟ" ಅಂತೇನೋ ಗೊಣಗಿದೆ. "ಸುಮ್ನೆ, ಯಾಕೆ ಕಷ್ಟ ಪಡ್ತೀರಾ, ನಮ್ ಜೊತೆ ಊಟ ಮಾಡಿ ಶರತ್ " ಅನ್ನಬೇಕೆ ಅನಿರುದ್ಧ? ಹೇಗೆ ಅಂದೆ. ಬನ್ನಿ ಅಂದರು. ಅವರ ಕಾರ್ ಹತ್ತಿದೆವು. ಅವರು ಮನೆಯಿಂದ ತಂದಿದ್ದ ಬುತ್ತಿ ಇತ್ತು. ಆ ಬುತ್ತಿ ಊಟದಲ್ಲೇ ಅರ್ಧ ನನಗೂ ಕೊಟ್ಟರು !! ಚಿತ್ರರಂಗ ಅಂದರೆ ಬರೀ ಸುಳ್ಳರು, ದಗಲ್ಬಾಜಿಗಳು, ತಲೆ ಹಿಡುಕರು ಇರ್ತಾರೆ ಅಂದುಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದ ನನಗೆ ಇಷ್ಟು ಒಳ್ಳೆಯವರು, ಸೌಜನ್ಯಶೀಲರು, ಸಜ್ಜನರು ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಇದ್ದಾರಲ್ಲ ಅಂತ ಆಶ್ಚರ್ಯ. ಯಾರು ಆಟೋ ಗ್ರಾಫ್ ಕೇಳಿದರೂ, ಫೋಟೋ ತೆಗೆಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳಲು ನಿಂತರೂ ಅವರದ್ದು ನಗುನಗು ತ್ತಾ ಮಾತು, ವ್ಯವಹಾರ.

ಅನಿರುದ್ಧ ಶೋಕಿಗೆ ಚಿತ್ರರಂಗಕ್ಕೆ ಬಂದವರಲ್ಲ. ಸಿನಿಮಾದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಅವರಿಗೆ ಮೊಗೆದಷ್ಟೂ ಮುಗಿಯದ ಪ್ರೀತಿ ಇದೆ. ದಿನಕ್ಕೆ ಫಿಲಂ ಆದ್ರೂ ನೋಡ್ತೀನಿ ಅಂದಿದ್ದರು. ನನ್ನಂತಹ ಕಿರಿಯರಿಂದಲೂ ಕೇಳಿ ತಿಳಿಯುವ ಉತ್ಸಾಹ. ಯಾವಾಗ ಮಾತಾಡಿದರೂ, "ಒಂದಷ್ಟು ಫಿಲಂಸ್ recommend ಮಾಡಿ" ಅನ್ನುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು, ಯಾವುದು ನೋಡಬೇಕು, ಒಳ್ಳೇದು ಯಾವುದಿದೆ ಅಂತ ಕೇಳುತ್ತಿದ್ದರು . ಅವರು ಹಿಚ್ಕಾಕ್ ನ ಅಷ್ಟೂ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳನ್ನು ಗುಡ್ಡೆ ಹಾಕಿ ನೋಡಿದ್ದರು, ನಲುವತ್ತರ ದಶಕದ ಹಾಲಿವುಡ್ ಸಿನಿಮಾಗಳು ಅವರಿಗೆ ಇಷ್ಟ. Billy Wilder, Ernst Lubitsch, John Ford, ಫ್ರಾಂಕ್ ಕಾಪ್ರಾ ರ ಬಗ್ಗೆಯೆಲ್ಲಾ ಅವರು ಕೇಳಿದಾಗ ಕೊರೆದಿದ್ದೆ. White Heat, Out of the past , Laura, The Maltese Falcon, The Big Heat, The third man ತರದ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳನ್ನೆಲ್ಲ ನೋಡಿ ಅಂತ ಶಿಫಾರಸು ಮಾಡಿದ್ದೆ. ಆಮೇಲಾಮೇಲೆ ಸಂಪರ್ಕ ತಪ್ಪಿ ಹೋಯಿತು.

ಆಮೇಲೆ 2012ರ ಕ್ರಿಸ್ಮಸ್ ಗೆ ಮತ್ತೆ ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವ ಬಂದಿತ್ತು. ನಾನು ಬೇರೆ ಕಾರಣಗಳಿಗೆ ಬೇಜಾರಲ್ಲಿ ಇದ್ದೆ. ಚಿತ್ರೋತ್ಸವಕ್ಕೆ ಅಂತ ಹೊರಟರೆ ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಕಿಕ್ಕಿರಿದ ಜನ ಸಂದಣಿ. ಪಾಸು ಇಲ್ಲ. ಕೇಳಿದರೆ ಭಿಕ್ಷುಕರನ್ನು ಓಡಿಸುವ ತರದ ಮಾತು. ಬೇಸತ್ತು ಹೋಯಿತು. ನನ್ನ ಗೆಳೆಯನೊಬ್ಬ ನನ್ನನ್ನು ನೋಡಿ ಅಯ್ಯೋ ಪಾಪ ಅಂತ ಅವನ ಪಾಸ್ ಕೊಡ್ತೇನೆ ಅಂದ. ಬೇಡ ಅಂದೆ. ಆಮೇಲೆ ಹಾಗೇ ಸುಮ್ಮನೆ ಅನಿರುದ್ಧರ ಹತ್ತಿರ ಹೇಳಿದೆ, "ನೋಡಿ ಹೀಗಾಯಿತು" ಅಂತ. ಅವರದು ಎಂದಿನಂತೆ ನಗು. "ಅಯ್ಯೋ, ನೀವು ಅಗತ್ಯ ಸಿನೆಮಾ ನೋಡಬೇಕು, ನನ್ನತ್ರ ಪಾಸ್ ಇದೆ ನಾನು ಕೊಡ್ತೀನಿ" ಅಂದರು. ಅವರು ಕೊಟ್ಟ VIP ಪಾಸಿನಲ್ಲಿಯೇ ಆ ಸರ್ತಿ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳನ್ನ ನೋಡಿದ್ದಾಯಿತು.

ಇಷ್ಟು ಸಿನೆಮಾ ನೋಡುವ, ಕಲಾಪ್ರೀತಿ ಇರುವ ಅನಿರುದ್ಧ ನಿರ್ದೇಶನ ಮಾಡಬೇಕಿತ್ತು ಅಂತ ರಮೇಶ್ ಹೇಳಿದ್ದರಂತೆ, ಸುಮನಾ ಕಿತ್ತೂರು ಕೂಡ ಅದನ್ನೇ ಹೇಳಿದ್ದನ್ನು ನಾನು ನೋಡಿದ್ದೆ. ಸ್ವತಹ ಅವರೇ ನಿರ್ದೇಶನ ಮಾಡಬೇಕು ಅಂತಿದ್ದರು ಕೂಡ, It Happened One Night ತರದ್ದು ಒಂದು ಕತೆ ಇದೆ ಅಂತಲೂ ಹೇಳಿದ್ದರು. ಅದು ಯಾಕೋ ಇನ್ನೂ ಆಗಿಲ್ಲ.(ಮೇಲೆ ಹೇಳಿದ) ಭಾಸ್ಕರ್ ಸರ್ ಜೊತೆ ಕೆಲಸ ಮಾಡಬೇಕು ಅಂತಿದ್ದರು(ಇಜ್ಜೋಡು ಚಿತ್ರದಲ್ಲಿ ಅದು ಸಾಧ್ಯವಾಯಿತು). ಅವರು ಅಭಯ್ ಡಿಯೋಲ್, ಅಮೀರ್ ಖಾನ್, ರಕ್ಷಿತ್ ಶೆಟ್ಟಿ ಇವರುಗಳಂತೆ ಸ್ಕ್ರಿಪ್ಟು ಓದುವ, ವಿಭಿನ್ನ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳನ್ನು ಮಾತ್ರ ಒಪ್ಪಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವ ನಟರಾಗಬೇಕಿತ್ತು ಅಂತ ನನಗನ್ನಿಸಿದೆ. ಈಗ ಮಾತಾಡಿ ಮೂರುವರೆ ವರ್ಷಗಳಾಯಿತು.

2012ರಲ್ಲಿ ಜಯತೀರ್ಥ, ನಾಗೇಂದ್ರ ಪ್ರಸಾದ್ ಎಲ್ಲ ಕಾಣಿಸಿಕೊಂಡಿದ್ದರು. ನಾಗಾಭರಣ, ಕಾಸರವಳ್ಳಿ, ಶೇಷಾದ್ರಿ ಎಲ್ಲ ಇರಲೇಬೇಕು, ಇದ್ದರು. ಇಷ್ಟು ಜನ ಬಿಟ್ಟರೆ ಚಿತ್ರರಂಗದ ಮಂದಿ ಈ ಕಡೆ ಸುಳಿಯುವ ಉತ್ಸಾಹ ತೋರಿಸಲಿಲ್ಲ. ನಮ್ಮ ಸ್ಟಾರ್ಗಳು, ದೊಡ್ಡ ನಿರ್ದೇಶಕರು ಇಲ್ಲಿಗೆ ಬಂದು, ಯೋಚನೆಗಳನ್ನು ಹಿಗ್ಗಿಸುವಂತ ಹೊಸ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳನ್ನು ನೋಡುವ, ಕಲಿಯುವ ಲಕ್ಷಣಗಳು ಸದ್ಯಕ್ಕಂತೂ ಕಾಣಿಸುತ್ತಿಲ್ಲ. ಯಾವುದಾದರೂ ಹೊಸ ಚಿತ್ರಕ್ಕೆ ಐಡಿಯಾ ಸಿಕ್ಕಬಹುದು ಅನ್ನುವ ಕಾರಣಕ್ಕೂ ಬರುವುದಿಲ್ಲ. ಅವರದ್ದೇನಿದರೂ ತೆಲುಗು ರಿಮೇಕೋ, ಮಸಾಲೆ ಚಿತ್ರವೋ ಮಾಡಿ ನಂಬರ್ ಒನ್ ಅನ್ನಿಸಿಕೊಳ್ಳುವ ಹಪಾಹಪಿ.

Poster-boys of Cliched posters

Here is a lame lateral thinking puzzle that I created. What do you think is common between R Chandru, Mark Zuckerberg, Naga Shekar and Yogaraj Bhat? We will keep that aside for a while and talk about Hollywood. Okay, let us park that aside for a second and take a look at this collage:

Or this:

The thing that unites all these posters is the colour palette. All of these are soaked in Orange and Blue. One blogger noticed this and his post made this famous. Here is why Hollywood loves it: If you arrange the colours circularly based on the hues you get what is called as a colour wheel. Colours on the opposite side of each other are complimentary colours. Blue and Orange are complimentary colours. When these colours are put together the image kind of pops up, and the human skin colour is orangish. Since movies have human beings the colour orange is fixed, colorists and cinematographers and the production designers can take care of the blue!! He even claimed that given a chance Hollywood colorists might draw Mona Lisa like this:

Hollywood posters are cliched in many other ways. That made me think about our Kannada film posters. I started paying attention to Kannada film posters when Upendra’s poster designer made those mind blowing posters for Upendra and A. Okay, Back to cliches. If your film is a romantic film or if it is a Romantic comedy, how do you convey that in a poster? This is how:

More of Blue and White:

Here is the puzzle again: What do you think is common between R Chandru, Mark Zuckerberg, Naga Shekar and Yogaraj Bhat?

How do you show aggression, intensity and attitude? You use the colour of Fire:

How do you design a poster having Darshan? Darshan gets to stand tall, spread his legs apart to form a triangular composition:

This trick has been used so many times that Maths teachers can consider using Darshan film posters to teach what An isosceles triangle is to the kids! What are these posters trying to say? They are just saying that Darshan is tall and he is going to be the alpha male(Mass Hero) in the film.

How do you design a poster for Appu? Make Appu cover 70% of the space in the poster and ask him to do something with his hand/finger:

What are these posters saying? They are saying that this film will have Appu and he is cool. Nothing else matters. There is one more standard technique tha is often used to make posters for Appu films. I will leave it out for you to figure out!

How many countries are there in the World?

Answer this. How many countries are there in the world? Your options are:
A. 196
B. 206
C. 193

D. Can't we Google for stuff like this?

E. Fuck it!! Let us drink one glass of sugar-cane juice!

I have written many "Made easy" pieces where I took complex ideas and made them as simple as possible. This time I will take a simple idea and tell you how complex it is. The idea is the idea of a nation/country. Most south Bengalooreans would agree that people in Maratha Halli and Whitefield act like they have descended from a different country, would Whitefield qualify as a country? What is the definition of a country anyway? Roughly speaking, I would want a place to meet the following criteria to be called a country:

1. If I walk into a nation and ask 20 people where the borders are, I should not be getting 40 different answers. There should be well defined boundaries. Border disputes here and there are okay. But if the entire stretch from Kanya Kumari to Kashmeer is disputed that would be a problem.
2. If I ask, "Who is in charge of this place?", they should not take 20 minutes to answer that question. There should be a stable Government.
3. The Govt should not be like Manmohan Singh's govt. Government should not be asking somebody else's permission to do things(sovereign state)
4. If there is an argument over a piece of land the guy with the AK 47 should not be winning the argument. There should be law and order.
5. If we ask questions like, "Who will construct the roads and schools? Who will supply the electricity?" these folks should not be looking into the sky. Govt should provide the public services.
6. If I wake up on a lazy Monday morning and decide that I will take over Sri Lanka this Wednesday, it should not be possible for me to do so. There should be a military to stop me.
7. I secretly think that Pakistan, Bangla, Afghan, Burma, Lanka are all part of one Akhanda Bharata. This may or may not be a good idea but will the rest of the world agree with it? I can call myself a Hamsalekha or AR Rahman but what if others run for their lives when they listen to my songs? Recognition matters.

With that in mind let us start counting. Can't we consider the number of countries in Olympics(204)? Take the West Indies cricket team. Isn't West Indies a country? Nope. West Indies is a collection of 10-15 Island nations like Barbados, Guyana, Trinidad, Jamaica etc. We had seen a Bermuda cricket team but Bermuda also is not officially a country. England and Scotland have cricket teams but they belong to a country called United Kingdon(UK). Sports teams don't always represent countries.

Isn't United Nations(UN) like a club of all countries in the World? Isn't their count(193? 196? 205?) official?

  Well, The UN was created by the 5 biggest countries that won the 2nd World War, these biggies are: USA, UK, France, Russia, China. They are the Permanent Members of the UN Security Council. This means that they are like our masala film heroes(think of heroes in Telugu films), they have superman like superpowers. That leads to funny situations. Here is a brief history of Taiwan:

A Whatsapp Conversation from the late 1940s, somewhere in China:

China Communist: You low-life scumbags should be pelted with thorny jackfruits
China Republican: You Commie bastards should be made to watch those reality shows that Indian tv channels are churning out

*Civil War* *Communists win*

China Republican: You good for nothings may rot in this hellhole. I am going to this new place(Taiwan).This new place will now be China.
China Communist: LOL. That new place(Taiwan) already belongs to me!!

Thus we had 2 Chinas. Taiwan calling itself Republic of China and the Communist China which called itself People's republic of China, both belong to Chinese people, so which one is the real China? And the commie China claimed that Taiwan belongs to them. China was the member of UN Security Council remember? Question now is which China are we talking about? Taiwan or Commie China? Till 1970s it was Taiwan, then because of Cold war politics USA said that the Communist China is the member of UN Security Council. Meanwhile Taiwan made great economic progress and became a country. Taiwan looks like a country, functions like a country and is a country if you ask me. But nobody recognises it as a country. Why? Because China says so! As per China Taiwan is not a country, nobody wants to mess with China. So Taiwan is not a country as per UN!

If the Chinese president gets drunk and declares that India is not a country UN will stop identifying us as a country! This is kind of why Modi and the previous PMs were asking Obama/US to make India the permanent member of security Council.

Similar story for Kosovo. After World War 1 a country called Yugoslavia was created. This was like a Copy Pasted nation made up of Serbian, Slovenian, Croatian and few other type of people. This was a bit like my plan to combine Pakistan, Bangla, Afghan, Burma, Lanka with India to form an Akhanda Bharata. It had a powerful and popular dictator called Josip Tito. This Tito guy was friends with Russia and then they broke up. Stalin tried to get this Tito fellow killed, there were some 20+ assassination attempts on Tito. Finally Tito said, "Enough is enough" and sent a letter to Stalin that looks like a para straight out of a Salim Javed script, this is what he wrote: "If you don't stop sending killers, I will send one to Moscow. And I won't have to send a second." Nobody had the guts to ask for a nation when a guy like Tito was ruling.
Once he died every frustrated teenager in Yugoslavia started asking for a separate country. Hence Yugoslavia got broken into 6 different nations in the 90s(Croatia, Bosnia, Macedonia and all). What was left was called Serbia.

There was another section left in Serbia which asked for another country as if it was asking for another masale dose in a hotel. They fought, people died and Kosovo was created. Now Kosovo claims that it is a country, Serbia does not agree. Most importantly Russia does not recognise Kosovo. Hence Kosovo is not a country as per UN.

Some 110 countries accept Kosovo, others don't. I suggest that we call Kosovo a half country or something like that.

What about Hongkong? Hong Kong was a former British colony that was given back to China in 1997. It is a capitalistic state, has democracy, has a different culture, it even issues passports. Yet it belongs to China now. Hong Kong is the most country-like country which isn't a country. What about Greenland? It's foreign affairs, security, and financial policy are controlled by Denmark.
What about Syria? Nobody knows who is controlling which part of Syria now, 3-4 lakh people have already died and some 20-30 lakh people have left the country. It is more like a WWF ring than a country now.(Read my made easy post on this topic: http://sharathbhats.blogspot.sg/…/paris-attack-and-syrian-c…) Same with Iraq. Half of Iraq is controlled by a crazy terrorist group called ISIS, Kurdish people control another 1/3rd of Iraq(Kurdistan). Both Syria and Iraq won't qualify as per my criteria. Stable Govt? Not really. Law and Order? What? Borders? Anybody can use MS paint and draw the Iraqi and Syrian borders wherever they want!

Then there are some 20 countries that officially don't have a military and some countries have armies so weak that an overexcited terrorist group can defeat them! Send your resume to MadeUpNations@NoJOb.com if any of you is interested in taking over these countries.

Africa is a different story. There is a country called Central African Republic, this is the type of place that gives bad name to entire Africa, nobody here knows what law and order is, nobody knows how many have been killed and how many suffered from how many types of human right abuses, no public services, no Govt, nothing. It is one of the poorest countries on earth. Democratic republic of Congo also has looked more like a graveyard than a country. Close to 50 lakh people have died there in civil wars, yes 50 lakhs! And nobody knows where the borders are. Sierra Leone(The Country shown in Blood Diamond movie) also can hardly be called a country, it also is one of the worst places on earth.

Central African republic

There is an African country called Mali(Timbuktu is a famous city). It had a glorious past, in the middle ages it had some of world's leading scholars and intellectuals. It was a decent place in recent times also. Recently some radical Islamists took over the country and implemented Sharia law. These freaks burned the great books of the past, they banned everything including music! Heck,they even banned football, can you believe it? France had some commercial interest in this region, so finally the French army intervened. It is yet to be fully stablilised.

Then there are places where you can cover the entire nation in an auto rickshaw in 20 minutes. Monaco's total area is just 2.02 Sq km.

This is how Nauru looks

A country called Nauru just has 10000 people. These are well recognised countries mind you. To top it all there is a country called Sealand. It is just abandoned World War II sea fort. Some crazy guy claimed it and called it a country. It just has 22 people ! It has a Govt, well defined borders(no disputes) and even postage stamps.

Sealand!

 But nobody recognises it. If you can recognise Monaco and Nauru why can't you go one step further and accept Sealand? There are 50-60 such micro-nations. I am planning to declare a new country called Democratic Republic of Sharath's bedroom. Why not? It is a mad mad mad mad world indeed. 

Now let me ask the question again. How many countries are there in the world? Your options are:
A. 196
B. 206
C. 193
D. Can't we google for stuff like this?
E. Fuck it!! Let us drink one glass of sugar-cane juice!