Back in the days of pen and paper, whenver I stumbled upon a witty,wacky line while reading I used to write it down in my diary, creating a personal collection of quotable quotes. Some pearls from that collection:
When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse
- Robert Lynn Asprin
There are moments when everything goes well; don't be frightened, it won't last.
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
-Terry Pratchett
The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe we have no idea how to behave - Scott Adams
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television - Woody Allen
The world is a stage and the play is badly cast - Oscar Wilde
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
- Bill Watterson
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. - Steven Wright
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
Trying is the first step towards failure - HOmer Simpson
I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
- Bill Watterson
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us - Bill Watterson
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Douglas Adams
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips
The guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... in Morse code.
Emo Philips
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.
- Robert Orben
Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Bill Watterson
No one in his death bed ever said, "I wish I had spent more time at the office"
I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
- Steven Wright(?)
Luck is probability taken personally..!
You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment,and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time. -- Steven Wright
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries" The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
-Jay Leno
When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse
- Robert Lynn Asprin
There are moments when everything goes well; don't be frightened, it won't last.
Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying 'End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH', the paint wouldn't even have time to dry.
-Terry Pratchett
The advice to ‘be yourself’ is obviously nonsense. But our brains accept this tripe as wisdom because it is more comfortable to believe we have a strategy for life than to believe we have no idea how to behave - Scott Adams
The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television - Woody Allen
The world is a stage and the play is badly cast - Oscar Wilde
I hate to think that all my current experiences will someday become stories with no point.
- Bill Watterson
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before. - Steven Wright
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
Trying is the first step towards failure - HOmer Simpson
I know the world isn't fair, but why isn't it ever unfair in my favor?
- Bill Watterson
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us - Bill Watterson
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.
Douglas Adams
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips
The guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... in Morse code.
Emo Philips
Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral.
- Robert Orben
Reality continues to ruin my life.
- Bill Watterson
No one in his death bed ever said, "I wish I had spent more time at the office"
I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.
- Steven Wright(?)
Luck is probability taken personally..!
You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment,and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time. -- Steven Wright
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries" The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"
-Jay Leno
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