I had written a post about the irritating Facebook stereotypes 4.5 years ago(You can read it here: https://www.facebook.com/notes/sharath-bhat/5-facebook-types-that-are-funny/249375825098641). Most of it has become irrelevant now. Time for a new version. And the Nominees for the most annoying Facebook stereotypes are:
TyPiNg lYk ThIs mAkEs Me So K3wL: It looks like a rhinoceros was dancing on your keyboard to a Yo Yo Honey Singh song while you typed this. STOPPIT!
1 like = 1 respect: What sort of emotional blackmail is this? It sounds stupider than saying something like 1 vada = 1 hole or 1 Idli = 1 plate chutney. When you say, "let us give one like to Lord Ganesha", it sounds as if Ganesha is sitting near Murudeshwara beach fishing for likes and his rat is desperately counting the likes.
You can not scroll down without liking this pic: Well, you know what? I can! I will bet all the money in my empty pocket that I bloody well can. You will have to find a way to make my screen freeze or something which forces me to submission, You can use a warnng message like: Sorry mate, you can't scroll down without liking this.
Namo fan: This is the guy who thinks that there was vacuum in this universe for the last 2 crore 33 lakh years and everything got formed after Modi Ji was born. If Ethylene glycol is forming Covalent bonds this guy will praise Modi ji for it. He will randomly mix Hindutva, patriotism and politics like how they mix random stuff in bhelpuri in that streetside gaadi. All his posts either praise Modi or insult Modi's enemies like Kejri, Congress and the liberal gang. He will use words like paid media, sickular like how we use Corporation water. This guy will make you fel like the entire galaxy is getting crushed under a giant alien Bulldozer and only Modi ji can save us.
The Sickular nutjob: This guy is the exact opposite of the Namo fan. Afzal Guru hanged? This guy will feel like committing suicide. Yakub Memon hanged? This guy will probably cry more than the widow. Want to shout slogans like "Bharat kee barbadi tak jang rahegi" and "Bharat tere tukde honge" ? Be this guy's friend. He will post articles, essays, videos, novels and quotes supporting you 25 hours a day, 8 days a week, 366 days a year. Want to start a terrorist organization? This guy can fill a sintex tank with his tears for you. IF earth were to start rotating from tomorrow this dude would blame Modi for it. If Nuclear fusion was to stop in Sun from this Tuesday this guy would blame RSS for it. There is a piece of unclaimed land near Antartica, why don't you claim it, and build a new nation there? You can call it terrorist
sympathizer's republic or something. Spare us the agony.
sympathizer's republic or something. Spare us the agony.
One-Trick chakravarti: This guy talks about one subject and one subject alone, always. Forever. For eternity. If he hates Kejriwal he will let the world know about it by posting 23 posts a day. If you come back in 2069 and check, this guy will still be posting insults to Kejriwal. Both the Sickular nutjob and the Namo fan are excellent examples for this. The biker, the gymming dude, the movie buff are some other "One subject" folks. This guy can't change his opinion and he won't change the topic.
The Cool English speaking dude: The guy who was using his mother tongue till 2014 suddenly starts acting like he was born in America. He uses words like brotha, thank yew, mah bestie, kewl rawker and such. What are you? A drug peddler from a godforsaken slum in Baltimore? A variation of this is the guy who was listening to Anu Malik's plagiarized songs till last Wednesday suddenly uses names like Eminem, Rihanna and acts like he listens only to English music.
The selfie queen: You will have to hire an auto rickshaw to scroll through her profile. She would have posted 1869 photos complete with picture credits and stuff. Every photo would have 200 commets, hundred of which will be "Thank you" messages. Exact opposite of this is the girl who has not even posted 2 photos in last 2000 years and has a flower or kitten as the profile pic. What are you? A flying saucer? A ghost?
Fake friend: To find these fake friends just look at the comments section of the selfie queen. You will find n number of comments with gross over usage of the word "Awww" accompanied with love and smooch emojis. You willsee comments like: *u lk so cute darling * *hotttiiieee* *love you honey* *mwah* and such. These girls are so sweet to each other that you might get a diabetes just by looking at the comments.
Quote specialist: This girl hasn't even read Chetan Bhagat books but posts deep sounding pearls of wisdom from Friedrich Nietzsche, Confucius or some existentialist philosopher. A sub category of this is the guy/girl who has just had a break up. This guy will post heart melting lyrics from Aashiqui 2 or something. Another sub category of this is the man who posts the incredibly obvious or trite like he got enlightened in Lumbini gardens, a quote like this: Don't be sad,the sun rises every day and you will get Idli chutney everyday ---> Kamaal R Khan
The Surprisingly popular girl: If a scientist were to announce a cure for Cancer he would hardly get 23 likes, but here is this girl who posts a an incredibly mundane thing or a photo with a caption like, "How is my new dress" and she gets flooded with 10233 likes in 8 minutes just because, well she is a girl!
The hashtag maniac: This guy's post will have more hashtags than the number of cars near KR Puram on a Friday evening.#crazyppl#journey#fun#masthi#tiredness#amazing#trip#food
The Shockingly gullible dude: This guy believes anything and everything that gets posted in facebook and Whatsapp. UNESCO declares Indian National Anthem as best in the world. Indian woman gives birth to 11 kids at once! Hanuman Gadha found during an excavation in Sri Lanka. This includes every fake scientific study, news report or article with disinformation. You post a photo-shopped report about a Donkey committing suicide by jumping from Kutub Minar and he will share it without thinking for a second. It gets funnier when a Namo fan or the sickular guy shares such things. A shares a photo. B shares another photo claiming that A was photoshopped. A will hit back claiming that the photo which supposedly exposed the photoshopped photo itself was photoshopped!!
Clickbaits: Articles with titles like Amitabh Bachchan was eating chapatis and YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED NEXT!!, WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND. If you click the link you will notice that all that happened was the BIG B asked for Cauliflower Koorma.
