Friday, 9 June 2017

ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸನೂ ಚಿತ್ರರಂಗವೂ

ಈ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನದೊಂದಿಗೆ ನನ್ನ "ಹಳಗನ್ನಡ ತಲೆಹರಟೆ"ಯ trilogy ಪೂರ್ತಿಯಾಗುತ್ತಿದೆ. "ಸದ್ಯ, ಈಗಲಾದರೂ ಮುಗಿಯಿತಲ್ಲ", ಅಂತ ನೀವು ನಿಟ್ಟುಸಿರು ಬಿಡಬಹುದು, "ಆಗಲೇ ಮುಗಿಯಿತೇ ? ಇದು ಶುರುವಾದದ್ದೇ ಗೊತ್ತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲ" ಅಂತಂದು ಗಹಗಹಿಸಿ ನಗಬಹುದು.
ಕನ್ನಡದ ಮಾಸ್ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳನ್ನೂ ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸನನ್ನೂ ಬೆಸೆಯುವ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಈ ಸಲ.
ನಮ್ಮ ಹೀರೋಗಳು ತಮ್ಮನ್ನು ತಾವೇ ಬಾಕ್ಸ್ ಆಫೀಸ್ ಸುಲ್ತಾನ , ಆರಡಿ ಕಟೌಟು , ಪವರು , ನಂದೇ ಹವಾ ಅಂತೆಲ್ಲಾ ಹೇಳಿಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಾರಷ್ಟೇ. ಇದಕ್ಕೆ ನಮ್ಮ ಮಾಸ್ ರೈಟರ್ ಗಳು ಸ್ಪೂರ್ತಿ ಪಡೆಯುವುದಾದರೆ ನಮ್ಮ ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸನಿಂದಲೇ ಪಡೆಯಬಹುದು.
ಆತ ತನ್ನ ಕಾವ್ಯ ರಚನಾ ಕ್ರಮದ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಬರೆಯುವುದು ಹೀಗೆ :
ಹಲಗೆಬಳಪವ ಪಿಡಿಯದೊಂದ
ಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆ ಪದವಿಟ್ಟಳುಪದೊಂದ
ಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆ ಪರರೊಡ್ಡವದ ರೀತಿಯ ಕೊಳ್ಳದಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆ|
ಬಳಸಿಬರೆಯಲು ಕಂಠಪತ್ರದ
ವುಲುಹುಗೆಡದಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆಯೆಂಬೀ
ಬಲುಹು ಗದುಗಿನ ವೀರನಾರಾಯಣನ ಕಿಂಕರಗೆ||
ಹಲಗೆಬಳಪವ ಪಿಡಿಯದೊಂದಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆ - ಈಗಿನ ಭಾಷೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಹೇಳುವುದಾದರೆ, ಡ್ರಾಫ್ಟ್ ವರ್ಷನ್, ವರ್ಷನ್ ಒನ್ ,ವರ್ಷನ್ ಟೂಗಳನ್ನೆಲ್ಲಾ ಬರೆದವನೇ ಅಲ್ಲ ನಮ್ಮ ಕವಿ, ಹಲಗೆ, ಬಳಪ ಇವೆಲ್ಲ ಬೇಕಾಗುವುದು ಯಾರಿಗೆ ? ತೋಚಿದ್ದನ್ನು ಡ್ರಾಫ್ಟ್ ಆಗಿ ಬರೆದು, ಉಜ್ಜಿ ಮತ್ತೆ ಬರೆಯುವವರಿಗೆ, ನಮ್ಮದು ಹಾಗೆಲ್ಲ ಮಾಡುವ ಸೀನೇ ಇಲ್ಲ ಅನ್ನುತ್ತಾನೆ ಕವಿ.
ಪದವಿಟ್ಟಳುಪದೊಂದಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆ - ಹಲಗೆ ಬಳಪವೇ ಹಿಡಿಯದ ಪುಣ್ಯಾತ್ಮ ಇನ್ನು ಇಟ್ಟ ಪದಗಳನ್ನು ಅಳಿಸುತ್ತಾನೆಯೇ ? ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸನ ಕೀಬೋರ್ಡಿಗೆ backspaceನ ಅಗತ್ಯವೇ ಇರಲಿಲ್ಲವಂತೆ.
 ಪರರೊಡ್ಡವದ ರೀತಿಯ ಕೊಳ್ಳದಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆ - ಇಷ್ಟು ಅಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆಗಳು ಇರುವ ಆಸಾಮಿ ಅವರಿವರು ಬರೆದದ್ದನ್ನು ಕಾಪಿ ಪೇಸ್ಟ್ ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾನೆಯೇ ? ಊಹೂಂ . ಪರರ ರೀತಿಯನ್ನು ಅನುಕರಣೆ ಮಾಡುವವನಲ್ಲ ಆತ .
ಬಳಸಿಬರೆಯಲು ಕಂಠಪತ್ರದವುಲುಹುಗೆಡದಗ್ಗಳಿಕೆ - ತಾಳೆಗರಿಯ ಮೇಲೆ stylusನ ತರದ ಆ ಕಾಲದ ಲೋಹದ ಪೆನ್ನಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಬರೆದರೆ (ಕೆತ್ತಿದರೆ) ಕರಕರ ಕರ ಅಂತ ಶಬ್ದವಾಗುತ್ತಿತ್ತು. ಆ ಶಬ್ದ ಕಂಠಪತ್ರದ ಉಲುಹು. ನಮ್ಮ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿನಲ್ಲಿ ನಿಲ್ಲದ ವಾಹನಗಳ ಹಾರ್ನಿನಂತೆ, ಈ ಕರಕರ ಶಬ್ದವೂ ನಿಲ್ಲುತ್ತಿರಲಿಲ್ಲವಂತೆ, ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ತಡೆದು, ತಲೆ ತುರಿಸಿ, ಇನ್ನು ಏನು ಕೊರೆಯೋಣ ಅಂತ ಯೋಚಿಸಿ ಬರೆಯುವವರಾದರೆ ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಿ ಬರೆಯಬೇಕು. ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸನದ್ದು ಅಲ್ಲೇ ಡ್ರಾ, ಅಲ್ಲೇ ಬಹುಮಾನ ಕರಕರ ಸದ್ದು ಕೇಳಿ ಸುಸ್ತಾಗಿ ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸಿಯಾನೇ ಹೊರತು, ತಲೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಸರಕು ಖಾಲಿಯಾಗಿ ನಿಲ್ಲಿಸುವ ಪ್ರಮೇಯವೇ ಇಲ್ಲ .

ಇಷ್ಟಾಗಿ ನಮ್ಮ ಪುನೀತು , ಶಿವಣ್ಣ ನಾವು ರಾಜಕುಮಾರರ ಮಕ್ಕಳು ಅನ್ನುವಂತೆ , ಸುದೀಪ್ ವಿಷ್ಣುವರ್ಧನರ ಉತ್ತರಾಧಿಕಾರಿಯಾಗಿರುವ ಹಾಗೆ ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸ ವೀರನಾರಾಯಣನ ಅಭಿಮಾನಿ, ವೀರನಾರಾಯಣನೇ ಹೇಳಿ ಬರೆಸುತ್ತಿದ್ದಾನೆ ಎಂಬ ಭಾವ ಕವಿಯದ್ದು.
ಇನ್ನು ನಮ್ಮಲ್ಲಿ ಹೀರೋವನ್ನು ಹುಲಿ ಸಿಂಹಗಳಿಗೆ ಹೋಲಿಸಿ ಹಾಡಿ ಹೊಗಳುವ ಬಿಲ್ಡಪ್ಪು ಉಂಟಷ್ಟೇ, ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸನ ಬಿಲ್ಡಪ್ಪು ಒಂದನ್ನೂ ನೋಡಿಬಿಡೋಣ. ಅಭಿಮನ್ಯು ಚಕ್ರವ್ಯೂಹದ ಕಡೆಗೆ ಹೊರಟಾಗ, ದೊಡ್ಡ ದೊಡ್ಡವರ ಜೊತೆ ಈ ಬಚ್ಚಾ ಏನು ಮಾಡಿಯಾನು ಎಂಬ ಶಂಕೆ ಬಂದಾಗ ಅಭಿಮನ್ಯು ಹೇಳುವುದು ಹೀಗೆ :
ಬವರವಾದರೆ ಹರನ ವದನಕೆ
ಬೆವರ ತಹೆನವಗೆಡಿಸಿದರೆ ವಾ
ಸವನ ಸದೆವೆನು ಹೊಕ್ಕಡಹುದೆನಿಸುವೆನು ಭಾರ್ಗವನ
ಜವನ ಜವಗೆಡಿಸುವೆನು ಸಾಕಿ
ನ್ನಿವರವರಲೇನರ್ಜುನನು ಮಾ
ಧವನು ಮುನಿದೊಡೆ ಗೆಲುವೆನಂಜದೆ ರಥವ ಹರಿಸೆಂದ
ಬವರವಾದರೆ ಹರನ ವದನಕೆ ಬೆವರ ತಹೆನು- ನಮ್ಮ ನಿಮ್ಮಂತವರಾದರೆ ಸಿಲ್ಕ್ ಬೋರ್ಡಿನ ಟ್ರಾಫಿಕ್ಕಿಗೇ ಬೆವರಿಳಿಸುವವರು . ಹರ ಹಾಗಲ್ಲ , ಆತ ಹೇಳಿಕೇಳಿ ಮೂರನೇ ಕಣ್ಣಿರುವವನು, ಬ್ರಹ್ಮಾಂಡವನ್ನೇ ಸುಡಬಲ್ಲ ಕಣ್ಣು ಅದು (ಈ ಶಿವ ಬೇಸಗೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಮಂಗಳೂರಿಗೆ ಬಂದಿದ್ದರೆ ಬೆವರುತ್ತಿದ್ದನೋ ಏನೋ ಆ ಮಾತು ಬೇರೆ), ಆದರೆ ಅಂತಹಾ ಕಣ್ಣಿದ್ದೂ ಹರ ಬೆವರುವವನಲ್ಲ, ಅಂತಹಾ ಕೂಲ್ ವ್ಯಕ್ತಿಯ ಮುಖದಲ್ಲಿ ಬೆವರಿಳಿಸುತ್ತೇನೆ ಅನ್ನುತ್ತಾನೆ ಅಭಿಮನ್ಯು. ಇಂದ್ರ , ಭಾರ್ಗವ ಯಾರು ಬಂದರೂ ಚಚ್ಚುವುದೇ .
ಜವನ ಜವಗೆಡಿಸುವೆನು - ಜವ ಅಂದರೆ ಯಮ ಅಂತಲೂ ಆಗುತ್ತದೆ , ವೇಗ, ರಭಸ ಅಂತಲೂ ಅರ್ಥ . ಯಮನಿಗೇ, "ಈ ಹುಡುಗ ಏನು ಫಾಸ್ಟ್ ಅಪ್ಪಾ" ಅನಿಸುವಂತೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತೇನೆ. ಇದು ಅಭಿಮನ್ಯುವಿನ ಪ್ರತಾಪ .

ಕೊನೆಯದಾಗಿ, ತನ್ನ ಕೃತಿ ಹೇಗಿದೆ ಅಂತ ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸ ಹೇಳುವ ಮಾತು :
ಅರಸುಗಳಿಗಿದು ವೀರ ದ್ವಿಜರಿಗೆ
ಪರಮ ವೇದದ ಸಾರ ಯೋಗೀ
ಶ್ವರರ ತತ್ವವಿಚಾರ ಮಂತ್ರಿಜನಕ್ಕೆ ಬುದ್ಧಿಗುಣ
ವಿರಹಿಗಳ ಶೃಂಗಾರ ವಿದ್ಯಾ
ಪರಿಣತರಲಂಕಾರ ಕಾವ್ಯಕೆ
ಗುರುವೆನಲು ರಚಿಸಿದ ಕುಮಾರವ್ಯಾಸ ಭಾರತವ
ಇದು ನಮ್ಮ ಗಾಂಧಿನಗರದ ಮಾಸ್ ಚಿತ್ರಗಳ ನಿರ್ಮಾಪಕರಿಗೆ ಸಿಕ್ಕಿದರೆ ಅವರಿಗೆ ಹೇಗೆ ಕಾಣಬಹುದು ? ಹೀಗೆ :
ಅರಸುಗಳಿಗಿದು ವೀರ - ಇಲ್ಲಿ ನಂ ಅಪ್ಪುದು ಒಂದು ಸಕ್ಕತ್ ಫೈಟ್ ಬರುತ್ತೆ.
ದ್ವಿಜರಿಗೆ ಪರಮ ವೇದದ ಸಾರ - ಇಲ್ಲಿ ನಮ್ಮ ಯೋಗರಾಜ ಭಟ್ರು ಬರೆದಿರೋ ಓತ್ಲಾ ವೇದಾಂತ ಸಾಂಗು ಬರುತ್ತೆ , ಹರಿಕೃಷ್ಣ ಇಲ್ಲಾ ಟಿಪ್ಪು ಹಾಡ್ತಾರೆ
ಯೋಗೀಶ್ವರರ ತತ್ವವಿಚಾರ ಮಂತ್ರಿಜನಕ್ಕೆ ಬುದ್ಧಿಗುಣ - ಫ್ಯಾಮಿಲಿಗೆ ಒಂದೊಳ್ಳೆ ಮೆಸೇಜ್ ಕೊಡ್ತೀವಿ !
ವಿರಹಿಗಳ ಶೃಂಗಾರ - ಇಲ್ಲಿ ಕಾಯ್ಕಿಣಿ ಸರ್ ದು ಪ್ಯಾಥೋ ಸಾಂಗ್ ಬರುತ್ತೆ ಸೋನು ನಿಗಂ ವಾಯ್ಸಲ್ಲಿ !
ವಿದ್ಯಾಪರಿಣತರಲಂಕಾರ - ಫಾರಿನ್ ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಶೂಟ್ ಮಾಡ್ತೀವಿ !

ದರ್ಶನ ಮತ್ತು ವಿಜ್ಞಾನ

ಈಚೆಗೆ ಕಿವೀ ಪಕ್ಷಿಯನ್ನು ನೋಡಲು ಹೋಗಿದ್ದಾಗ ಅಲ್ಲೊಬ್ಬರು, "ಈ ಕಿವೀಗಳು territorial, ಅವಕ್ಕೆ ತಮ್ಮ ಜಾಗಕ್ಕೆ ಬೇರೆ ಪ್ರಾಣಿಪಕ್ಷಿಗಳು ಬಂದರೆ ಸಿಟ್ಟು ಬರುತ್ತದೆ" ಅಂದರು. ನನಗೆ ನಾನು ಕಳೆದ ವರ್ಷ ಏಪ್ರಿಲ್ 31ಕ್ಕೆ ಬರೆದಿದ್ದ,"ದರ್ಶನ್ ಸಿನೆಮಾಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ವಸಾಹತ್ತೋತ್ತರ ಪ್ರಜ್ಞೆ ಮತ್ತು ವೈಜ್ಞಾನಿಕ ಮನೋಭಾವ" ಅನ್ನುವ ವಿಮರ್ಶಾತ್ಮಕ ಪ್ರಬಂಧ ನೆನಪಾಯಿತು. ಅದರ ಕೆಲವು ಸಾಲುಗಳು ನಿಮ್ಮ ಖುಷಿಗಾಗಿ:
ಚಿತ್ರವೊಂದರಲ್ಲಿ ದರ್ಶನ್ ಹೀಗೆ ಹೇಳುತ್ತಾರೆ :
ಏರಿಯಾ ಬೌಂಡರಿ ಹಾಕೊಂಡ್ ಹಾರೋಡೋದು, ಎಗರಾಡೋದು ಕಂತ್ರಿ, ಕಜ್ಜಿ ನಾಯಿಗಳು, ಎಲ್ಲೇ ಹೋದ್ರೂ ಅದೇ ಖದರ್ maintain ಮಾಡೋದು ಸಿಂಹ.
ವಿಜ್ಞಾನಿಗಳು ನಮ್ಮನ್ನು ನಂಬಿಸುತ್ತಾ ಬಂದಿರುವುದು ಹೀಗೆ : lions have a strong sense of border and territory. Male lions defend their territory, by urinating to mark the area, roaring to promote fear and literally chasing off any intruders.
Their main competition is spotted hyenas that often go for the same prey as lions. These animals will fight and steal each other's food. This warfare goes beyond food; it is also the problem of territorial boundaries being crossed.
ಕಟುವಾಸ್ತವ ಹೀಗಿದ್ದರೂ, ನಮ್ಮ ಸಿಂಹಗಳು ಸಂಪ್ರದಾಯದ ಬೇಲಿ ಹಾರಿ ಖದರ್ maintain ಮಾಡಲಿ ಎಂಬ ಉದಾರವಾದ ದರ್ಶನರದ್ದು. ಇಂತಹಾ ದಿಟ್ಟ ನಿಲುವುಗಳಿಂದ ದರ್ಶನ್ ಇವತ್ತು ನಮ್ಮ ನಡುವಿನ ಸಾಕ್ಷಿ ಪ್ರಜ್ಞೆಯಾಗಿದ್ದಾರೆ.

ಒಂದು ಧಿಡೀರ್ ಕಥೆ

ಅವನು ಪುತ್ತೂರು ಬಿಟ್ಟು ಹತ್ತೂರು ಸುತ್ತಿ ಬೆಂಗಳೂರಿಗೆ ಬಂದಿದ್ದ. ಸಿನೆಮಾಗಳನ್ನು ಮಲ್ಟಿಪ್ಲೆಕ್ಸಿನ ಸಿಕ್ಕಾಪಟ್ಟೆ ಸಭ್ಯರ ಜೊತೆ ನೋಡುವುದಕ್ಕಿಂತ ಕೆಂಪೇಗೌಡ ರಸ್ತೆಯ ಗೌಜಿ ಗದ್ದಲಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ನೋಡಿದರೇ ಸುಖ ಅಂತ ನಂಬಿದ್ದ. ಹಾಗಂತ ಗೆಳೆಯರಲ್ಲಿ ಹೇಳುತ್ತಲೂ ಇದ್ದ. ಹೋಗುತ್ತಾ ಸಿ. ಅಶ್ವತ್ಥರು ಸಂಯೋಜಿಸಿದ ನಮ್ಮ ಕವಿಗಳ ಹಾಡುಗಳನ್ನು ಕಿವಿಗೆ ಸುರುವಿಕೊಳ್ಳುತ್ತಿದ್ದ. ಹಾಗೆ ಹೋದಾಗಲೆಲ್ಲ ಅಲ್ಲೇ ರಸ್ತೆಯಲ್ಲಿ ಗಾಡಿಯೊಂದರಲ್ಲಿ ಮಾರುವ ಬೇಯಿಸಿದ ಶೇಂಗಾ ಬೀಜ ತಿನ್ನುವುದು ವಾಡಿಕೆ. ಒಣ ಕಡಲೆಯೂ, ಈರುಳ್ಳಿ ಉಪ್ಪು ಮೆಣಸಿನ ಹುಡಿ ಹಾಕಿ ಬೇಯಿಸಿದ ಕಡಲೆಯೂ ಒಟ್ಟೊಟ್ಟಿಗೆ ಓಟಿಗೆ ನಿಂತರೆ ಒಣ ಶೇಂಗಾ ಬೀಜದ ಠೇವಣಿಯೂ ಉಳಿಯಲಿಕ್ಕಿಲ್ಲ ಅಂತ ನಂಬಿದ್ದ.
ಅಶ್ವತ್ಥರ ಹಾಡಿನಿಂದ ಕರ್ಣಾನಂದ, ಚಿತ್ರ ನೋಡಿ ಕಣ್ಣಿಗೆ ಖುಷಿ, ಆಮೇಲೆ ಉದರಪೂಜೆ. ಸರಿ, ಈ ಶುಕ್ರವಾರವೂ ಆ ಕಡೆಗೆ ಸವಾರಿ ಹೊರಟದ್ದಾಯಿತು. ಕೆಂಪೇಗೌಡ ರಸ್ತೆ ಹಸಿದ ಹೆಬ್ಬಾವಿನಂತೆ ಮಲಗಿತ್ತು. ಚಿತ್ರ ಮುಗಿಯಿತು. ಹಾಡುಗಳು ನೆನಪಾದವು, ಹೊಟ್ಟೆ ತಾಳ ಹಾಕಿತು. ಗಾಡಿಯ ಜಾಗದ ಕಡೆಗೆ ಪಾದ ಬೆಳೆಸಿದ. ಅರೆ ! ನೋಡಿದರೆ ಗಾಡಿ ಅಲ್ಲಿಲ್ಲ! ಮೆಲ್ಲನೇ ಗುನುಗಿಕೊಂಡ,
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ಕಾಣದಾ ಕಡಲೆಗೆ ಹಂಬಲಿಸಿದೆ ಮನ !
# ಟೈಂಪಾಸ್ ಕಡ್ಲೇ ಕಾಯ್ 

Fun with English

Language, for most people is a means of communication. We will not talk about such people. We will focus instead on those for whom language is a toy to be fiddled with. Let us look at instances where people used the English language like a bat to produce Tendulkar like cover drives. Let us frolic through the amusing byways of English. Here is a collection of some of the craziest,funniest, and wackiest things done with English.

Firstly, the words. You must have seen that whatsapp forward highlighting the special thing about the word "Queue". It retains the original pronunciation even after 4 letters are dropped. 'Queuing' contains 4 vowels in a row. If the word "Facetious" has the vowels in order, "Uncomplimentary" has them in the reverse order. I will leave it to you to figure out the speciality of words like Overstuffed, defenselessness, ambidextrously and latchstring.
We also have whatsapp riddles like this one:
What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Ans: Short

Okay, let us end this with a few more funny Q and As:
Is there a word in the English language that uses all the vowels including "y" ? Ans: Unquestionably!
When I was a kid, my English teacher looked my way and said, "name two pronouns."
I said, “Who, me?”
What is the difference between Ignorance and Apathy? Ans: I don't know and I don't care !

One can only observe words. But with sentences one can perform verbal gymnastics. I assume that you are aware of the popular ones like "Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs". A sentence like, "American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat Here In Jersey" might put a smile on your face once you notice the 1st letter of every word.
Let us look at a meta sentence:
This sentence contains only three As, three Cs, two Ds, twenty-five Es, nine Fs, four Gs, eight Hs, twelve Is, three Ls, fifteen Ns, nine Os, eight Rs, twenty-four Ss, eighteen Ts, five Us, four Vs, six Ws, two Xs, and four Ys.


Then there is this sentence:
“I do not know where family doctors acquired illegibly perplexing handwriting nevertheless, extraordinary pharmaceutical intellectuality counterbalancing indecipherability, transcendentalizes intercommunications incomprehensibleness”.
Just count the number of letters in every word and you will know why it is famous.
If that sounded like a crazy thing, read this paragraph which tries to demonstrate how rhythm can be achieved in writing:
This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.


Funny things can be done with ambiguities. Consider this sentence:
British left waffles on Falklands.
What does it mean? Did the British leave waffles behind, or is there waffling by the British political left wing?
Or take this line from a song by Ray Davies:
I'm glad I'm a man, and so is Lola. — This can mean "Lola and I are both glad I'm a man", or "I'm glad Lola and I are both men", or "I'm glad I'm a man, and Lola is also glad to be a man".

There is this story about king Croesus, this dude wanted to invade the great Persian empire and consulted the Oracle of Delphi. The Oracle said, "If Croesus goes to war, he will destroy a great empire.”. The king was happy and invaded Persia. The problem however with fortunetellers and psychics is that what they tell can be interpreted in multiple ways, the king learnt it the hard way. Croesus did destroy an Empire when he went to war; trouble was, that was his own empire and not the Persian empire!
Another variant of this is the famous sentence, "I never said she stole my money". This can have 7 different meanings depending on which word is stressed.
"I" didn't say she stole my money - someone else said it.
I "didn't" say she stole my money - I didn't say it.
I didn't "say" she stole my money - I only implied it.
And so on. Try stressing one word and see how the meaning changes.

Garden path sentences are sentences that fool you into misinterpreting them. Some examples:
The old man the boat - This will make sense once you realise that "Man" is a verb.
The complex houses married and single soldiers and their families - This baffling sentence will make sense once you understand that Complex = Housing complex and Houses = accommodates
Some of the most famous garden path sentences were constructed by the comedian Groucho Marx. Take a minute to appreciate how cleverly Groucho Marx misleads you in this sentence:
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana - He is talking about the insect "Fruit fly" and the word "like" is used as in "I like ice creams" in the 2nd part of the sentence. Here is another quip by the master that uses the same trick: "I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I don't know." One last example of Goucho's verbal pyrotechnics where he uses ambiguity to produce a twist:
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

Other comedians also have used this trick to create sentences that have a twist in the end that changes meaning of the 1st part:
I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don't know I'm using blanks." —Emo Philips
If I am reading this graph correctly—I'd be very surprised." —Stephen Colbert
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." —Mitch Hedberg
On the other hand, you have different fingers." —Steven Wright
If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired, with enthusiasm
Hairdresser Vidal Sassoon promoted his brand with the slogan: "If you don't look good, we don't look good"

We will now move to shortest works of fiction. How about a poem? "Lines on the Antiquity of Microbes" by Strickland Gillilan reads like this: Adam/Had 'em
Then there is this short story : For sale: baby shoes, never worn - With just about 6 words, It produces emotions, why are they selling those shoes? What happened to the baby?
There are many more terribly tiny tales. Some samples:
I met my soulmate. She didn't.
"Wrong Number," Said a Familiar Voice
She left me for a better writer. She left me a better writer.
This story was made famous in a book that talks about the importance of punctuation:
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
"Why?" asks the confused waiter, The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
"Well, I'm a panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up."
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. "Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."


The thing about English is that it borrows so many words from other languages. If you were to get rid of all the Latin, French and Greek words you would be eliminating an astonishing 65% of the words in English! There have been attempts to get rid of all the non Germanic, borrowed words from English to attain linguistic purity. Poul Anderson had written an essay called "Uncleftish Beholding". It shows what English would look like if we were to eliminate all non-Germanic words, and use German-style compounds instead of borrowings to express new concepts, 4 lines from that:
For most of its being, mankind did not know what things are made of, but could only guess. With the growth of worldken, we began to learn, and today we have a beholding of stuff and work that watching bears out, both in the workstead and in daily life.
The underlying kinds of stuff are the *firststuffs*, which link together in sundry ways to give rise to the rest. Formerly we knew of ninety-two firststuffs, from waterstuff, the lightest and barest, to ymirstuff, the heaviest.

In case you are scratching your head, Uncleftish Beholding refers to Atomic theory ! The word Atom comes from the Latin word atomus, the word theory comes from the Greek word "Theoros". So he can not use them! Now read that again with these meanings in mind: being = existence, worldken = physics, beholding = theory, workstead = workplace, stuff = matter, firststuff = Element, waterstuff = Hydrogen, Barest = Simplest, ymirstuff = Uranium.

Any discussion about fun with language won't be complete without a reference to puns. Let us start with this:
I once did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
This one is impressive: "The Romans built this way this way this way" - "This way" is used to mean 3 different things.
Anybody can play with one word, it takes real Punditry to play with many words in one sentence.
This joke does that to form a complex pun:
Farmer: My son left the farm. Now he polishes shoes in the city.
Camper: Oh, you make hay while the son shines!
Some more:
NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS - This headline plays with every single word. In case you didn't get it, Nut = lunatic, Screw = Rape, Washer = janitor, Bolt = Run.
Foot Heads Arms Body - This headline refers to Michael Foot, who was appointed the chairman of a nuclear disarmament committee

I will leave you with an email forward(Yes, not long ago, there was such a thing called email forward!):
Here is an appreciation letter written by a clever guy who knew how to play with the language:
Bob Smith, can always be found
hard at work. Bob works independently, without
wasting time talking to colleagues. Bob never
thinks twice about assisting colleagues, and he always
finishes tasks on time. Often Bob takes extended
measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
sent away as soon as possible.
That stupid dolt was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read every second line (i.e.. 1, 3, 5, 7, 9, ..) for my true assessment of him.

Why I am not against the Shivaji Statue

I can title this article either way. I cal call it "What we can learn about economics from the Maharashtra's Shivaji statue controversy?" or "Why I am not against the Shivaji statue". My aim is to attempt to write the former, but I will choose the latter title as it sounds more clickbaitish and TRP worthy ! I have come to believe that a lot of people who do a lot of huffing and puffing about the statue have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.
The most common line of objection goes like this: They could have spent 4000 Crore Rs on <Insert your favorite noble cause here> instead of spending it on a statue.
They could have started a micro-irrigation programme, paid for new rural roads,electricity projects, built hospitals, constructed houses for slum dwellers, could have handled malnutrition and what not and what not. Of course inspite of being an evil person even I would want these things to be implemented,no arguments there, my only point however is that you do not have to scrap the statue project to do all of these. I will try to explain why I think so. You are free to disagree but what we want is an informed discussion.
Let us start with a joke that I received in Whatsapp:
Woman: Do you drink beer?
Man: Yes
Woman: How many beers a day?
Man: Usually about 3
Woman: How much do you pay per beer?
Man: $5.00 which includes a tip
Woman: And how long have you been drinking?
Man: About 20 years, I suppose
Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your
spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400. correct?
Man: Correct
Woman:If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?
Man: Correct
Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound
interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?
Man: Do you drink beer?
Woman: No
Man: Where's your Ferrari?
Karnataka Govt. for instance is not building a tall statue of any king, yet why we don't have massive micro irrigation or drinking water related programs? Why is north karnataka still crippled by famine? Since we did not spend 4000 Crore on a statue we should have had surplus electricity or Zero slum dwellers. That is not at all the case. Where's our Ferrari? In this example the Karnataka Govt has all the money that it did not spend on any project like the statue project. Why do we still have all these problems? One major misconception we have is that we think that money is the solution to all our problems. We think that we have all these problems
because we do not have money. What if I tell you that money is not the problem?

Let us start with individuals. People often mistakenly think that poverty and richness is all about money. Being rich actually is all about producing things of value.
An example will drive this point home. If I say that Amir Khan is far richer than my friend Vijay who is a bus driver, not many people would object to that. But the question you should ask is, why Amir is richer than Vijay? Is it because he has more money? To answer that, we will perform a thought experiment. Let us create a level playing field, let us sntach all the money that Amir and Vijay have from them. Now both of them have 0 money. Let us give 1 lakh Rs each to them. Now they are equals. All good so far.
What do you think will be their status after an year? I am willing to bet that within one year, Amir will again be 1000 times richer than Vijay in one year. Why is that? That is because Amir produces something(entertainment) that crores of people want to buy. He produces things of value. My friend Vijay does not produce anything that crores of people are willing to buy. We can repeat the same experiment with Lakshmi Mittal and Amir Khan. If we snatch all the money from Mittal and Amir, all it will take is one year for Mittal to become 1000 times richer than Amir. That is because Mittal produces Steel which is far more valuable than what Amir produces.

In terms of Govt, A Govt that has lots of money is always not the solution. What we need is a system that works, a system that is efficient. To understand this point better,let us take a look at some very poor countries. Countries like Democratic republic of Congo or Central African republic(CAR). These countries are rotting in abject poverty. Your first instinct would be to say that they are poor becuase they have no money.
As we have seen in the Amir Khan example above, the problem is not money. In fact, most African countries do receive truckloads of money from IMF, World bank and the West in the form of Foreign aid. Billions and trillions of dollars
get pumped into these countries through various charity organisations and other Govts. Problem is that this money never reaches the common man. There is rampant and
massively systematic corruption that the rulers simply steal most of the money or they spend it on inefficient projects. The money never gets spent on anything good in
an efficient manner. The system simply does not work. There are no property rights, there is no law and order, nothing works.
Let us take an example, say you start a hotel in CAR. Firstly, the bureaucracy is so painful that you need 50 different licenses, meaning you have to bribe 50 different people just to start something. Even if you manage to do it, Since there are no property rights, any thug can come with a rifle tomorrow and claim that the hotel belongs to him. Since there is no law and order you can not do anything about it. All you can do is use some Kannada or Hindi swear words to vent out the frustration.
Who would want to start a hotel in a place like that? Nobody would start a business there. If nobody is running any business, how will the economy function? How will the jobs be created? The Govt(if we can call it that) gets millions of dollars from foreign nations but the system is dysfunctional. it just does not work. Money is not the problem.

All of this might sound a little familiar because even we face the same problem, only consolation is that we have a milder version of the same problem. Back in the 90s, we had what was called as License Raj. That is a nice way of saying that we also needed 50 different licenses to start a company or something. When you need 50 different licenses from Govt. officials, being an Indian you know how that generally goes! PV Narasimha Rao's Govt. eliminated all that in one masterstroke. Did that make a difference? Hell, yeah!
In 1990, close to 50% of our population did not have access to electricity, close to 50% lived below the poverty line. In the last 25+ years, we have halved these numbers. That's magical. Narasimha Rao's Govt did not do this by distributing free money. They did it by building a much better system. The problem as you might have guessed, was not the money, hence the solution also was not related to having lots of money. Same thing happened in China. Back in the 70s CHina was desperately poor, Mao's ridiculous policies had killed lakhs/crores of people. Deng Xiaoping changed all that by changing the system. Singapore did not become so rich because it had shitloads of money, Lee Kuan Yew made them rich by creating a system that works.

Another piece of statistics from Karnataka will make this point clear. Since 2013-14, Karnataka Govt has provided Rs. 5606 crore for the Bruhath Bengaluru Mahanagara Palike. Another 4222.73 crore was given last year. That makes it 10,000 crores! Much more than the proposed budget for the statue in question. As a concerned citizen, you might want to ask, what happened to this 10,000 crore? In what way has our life improved in bengalooru? Was poverty reduced? Did the number of slum dwellers reduce drastically? Did the traffic situation improve in any way? This year, our Govt. has allocated 6000 Crores for Agriculture. 6000 fucking crores! I am willing to bet that our farmers will still be complaining about the same old things by this time next year. Another 14,000 crores are allocated for water resources, that is 4 times the budget of the statue. If you notice any improvement in anything related to water, do let me know!

Similarly, if the sum of 13,000 crores meant for Rural development actually ends up developing the rural areas in any possible way I will start believing in the power
of miracles! Our annual budget every year has figures close to 1.5 lakh crores. You read it right! It is 1.5 lakh crores. If the Govt is spending such massive amounts of money, why do we still have so many problems? Forget noble ideas like eliminating poverty, why don't we even have half decent roads? why there is such acute shortage of electricity every year? The problem is not money.
Even in case of Maha Rashtra which has a massive 2.7 lakh crore budget per annum, if I were you, I would worry a lot about what happens to the other 2.66 lakh crore instead of creating a ruckus about the 4000 crores. Our problem is not that the Maha rashtra Govt does not have money, the problem is that these budgets have not solved most of our problems, in simple terms, we have the same problems that Africa has: corruption,kleptocracy, bureaucracy, a system that does not work. We already have hundreds of schemes and subsidies meant to solve all these problems. Problem is that they never reach the people in any meaningful way.

Another objection that people have posed is about the return of investment. All sorts of calculations were made to show that it will take 200 years or something to recover the money spent on the statue. The answer to this is that it is a wrong way to look at Govt spending. In a business if you invest X Rs you would want to recover X Rs in Y years.

Govt. spending is not like that. As we saw earlier, Karnataka is supposed to spend 4222.73 crores on BBMP. What will be the return on this investment? In 2016-17, a total amount of Rs.507 Crore was allocated to Tourism Department in Karnataka. Was this cost recovered? Govt spending is meant to give services to people, build infrastructure or boost economy in some way. When US had recession, Obama Govt had announced a trillion dollar stimulus package. The purpose was not to recover trillion dollars, the purpose of the package was just to boost the faltering economy. Govts do things like that all the time.
Lastly, the question of Debts. Say, I want 1 lakh to run a business, what I can do is borrow 1 lakh from Ajay, promise to pay 5% interest. Next year I can borrow from Bharath, use that to pay Ajay, the year after that I can borrow from Chetan and use that money to pay Bharath. Govts do something similar all the time. When the income is not enough to start a project, Govts borrow money by issuing bonds. Even rich countries like US borrow heavily. Govts don't have to clear the debts, they will always be in debt, all they do is use B's money to pay A and use C's money to pay B and so on. Central Govts can even create money out of nowhere by simply printing more money!

That leads us to the concept of Zero Sum game. In game theory, there is this idea of Zero sum games. If someone has to lose something in order for someone else to win something we call it a zero sum game. For instance, if Federer has to win Nadal has to lose. If I earn 10K, and if I spend it on buying a phone, I can not spend it on other things. To buy the phone I have to sacrifice other things. It is a zero sum game when it comes to many things. But Govt spending is not a zero sum game, not always.

If a Govt wants to spend 4000 crores on something, it can simply increase the revenue by increasing the tax or borrow money by issuing bonds. To build a statue it does
not have to sacrifice the irrigation project. Let us say that it was spending 10000 crores on Rural development. This year it wants to spend 5000 crores on tourism. We don't have to boost tourism at the cost of rural development. What we can do instead is, borrow the extra 5000 crores. This way, we continue to spend 10,000 K on rural development and spend the extra 5000 borrowed money on tourism. It does not have to be a zero sum game. To spend money on one thing we don't have to sacrifice other things.

Any money spent on building a tourist attraction is money well spent. I would want our Govts to spend even more on tourism, the catch however is that I don't want this to happen at the cost of development. Let us work on eliminating poverty, malnutrition, water problem and all that. But to do that we don't really have to cut our tourism budget.

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Best of Infotainment/Braingasm books

I repeatedly get requests to do a must read list. So here a list of books that I recommend based on a theme that is close to my heart. If you have read my "Made easy" articles you know what the theme is. In that series I take a technical or some sort of seemingly complex idea and try to attack it from an oversimplified but entertaining angle(often using my brand of weird humour) to make the subject easy to understand. It is meant to show that the subjects themselves are not dry,it is the pompous,jargon filled,pretentiously meandering, intellectual rubbish that people write that make them boring. That series is meant to pique your curiosity and make you want to read more.
I do believe that well-written non-fiction reads like the best fiction. I have compiled a list of books that manage to tickle your brain, enhance your knowledge, expand your mind without tempting you to commit suicide out of boredom. Here's my list of engaing infotainment/braingasm books:
Naked Economics by Charles Wheelan- Who would have imagined that a subject like Economics can be so fascinating and funny. It makes Economics not only understandable, but makes you turn the pages like a kid craving for ice-cream.
Guaranteed to make you go “Oh, I get it now!” many times.
Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari - This Israeli author does the impossible: Make you refuse to put an anthropolgy book down as if you are reading a Dan Brown novel. The history of mankind, starting from the earliest hominids. Beautifully written, Engaging, easy to read and eye opening. Bonus point for explaing why an idea like patriotism is so key to our development.
A short history of nearly everything by Bill Bryson - A popular science book like no other. Nothing is dry when someone as witty as Bill Bryson approaches it. He has a delightful way with words. The book will engage and amuse you. He talks about Big bang, Particle physics, Geology, Newton, evolution of life on earth and such in an accessible and interesting manner. We get to see colourful characters and funny stories about the scientists behind the research and discoveries mentioned.
Stumbling on Happiness by Dan Gilbert - I will simply quote Mark Manson on this: Gilbert is a famous Harvard psychologist who has a knack for coming up with zany experiments that show just how flawed and biased the human mind is. Read This Book If…
…you enjoy Harvard professors who reference The Beatles in every chapter and make jokes about quadriplegics.
…you are interested in behavioral economics and irrational decision-making.
…you’ve always had a hunch that you are completely full of shit but would like 400 pages of psychological research to confirm it for you.
Plato and Platypus walk into a bar - If you think that philosophy is a subject meant only for those Kurta Pyjama wearing bearded intellectuals think again! Authors take a broad area of philosophy, take a famous idea and give a joke that illustrates the idea. One joke for one idea. This unique premise makes it charmingly funny and engaging.
Originals: How Non-Conformists Move the World by Adam Grant - This is the most insightful book I have read on how those creative Originals manage to be original. Grant tackles ideas at a fast, sometimes frenetic pace. Good research, engaging style and sharp insights make for a compelling read. - There is so much junk written in the name of Self help that when I read a book like this I feel like running to majestic busstand and distributing a copy of the book to everyone. I would give the same compliment for the book "Made to Stick" mentioned below.
Made to Stick by Chip and Dan Heath About why some ideas become popular and some don't. Written like a self help book. Authors give simple ideas pepper it with great reaearch providing a compelling case. It's a joy to read. "Switch : how to change things when change is hard" is another good book by the same authors.
Books by Malcolm Gladwell - I won't say much as he is already a very famous author. The tipping point, Outliers, David and Goliath, What the dog saw
Born Liars by Ian Leslie - An entire book about lying, wonderfully researched, Ian Leslie dissects the subject through the lens of law, psychology and culture. It's a thought provoking read. You probably didn't know that there are so many things you didn't know about something as simple as lying.
Curious by Ian Leslie - Similar to the book above. It is difficult to imagine that someone can write an entire book on curiosity. Informative and engrossing.
Into thin Air - An account of a team's climb to Himalayas. Author has a rare and dazzling gift to draw you into any story. Don't blame me if you feel like you would want to climb Mount Everest next weekend after reading this book.
Spy the Lie: Former CIA Officers Teach You How to Detect Deception. Drushyam movie had showed some of the techniques explained here but it still makes for an interesting read. Who wouldn't want to learn the art of lie detection from the people who used to do that for the CIA?
Killing Pablo by Mark Bowden - The story behind the chase and assassination of Pablo Escobar, the most elusive and powerful cocaine trafficker ever. There also is an excellent documentary based on the book.
The God Particle: If the Universe Is the Answer, What Is the Question? by Leon M. Lederman, Dick Teresi - Here is a Nobel prize winning scientist who writes like a Stand-up comedian. That should be reason enough to read it.
Situations matter by Sam Sommers - This one has a psychology professor exploring the power of context and by the time you finish reading it you will be convinced that you are not as objective as you think you are. An enjoyable guide on how to recognize social influences that shape behavior
48 laws of power - This one is a bit like a compilation of advice on how to use strategies/tactics and cunning to attain power by Chanakya/Machiavelli. Every idea is illustrated with interesing anecdotes.
India After Gandhi, by Ramchandra Guha - A very well researched modern history of India. A must read.
Freakonomics - a thoroughly engaging and surprisingly humorous book that tries to use economics to gain insights about many daily life observations, crime etc.
The Most Human Human: What Artificial Intelligence Teaches Us About Being Alive by Brian Christian - This one uses Artificial intelligence to understand human beings. The subject itself is so fascinating.
E=mc2: A Biography of the World's Most Famous Equation by David Bodanis - It does an exquisite job of using anecdotes and history to give a sense of what this equation really means. David Bodanis is a good storyteller and you will never feel like you are reading physics.
Technical Film and TV for Nontechnical People by Drew Campbell - A humourous introduction to nuts and bolts of film production. Very underrated, makes for a breezy read.
The last 3 are not books(though books have been published based on 2 of them):
Justice: What's The Right Thing To Do? A series of lectures by Professor Michael Sandel - This is a course that a professor taught in Harward. Jurisprudence is a very boring subject but Professor Sandel makes it so interesting and accessible that you might want to binge-watch. He uses the ideas of famous philosophers to define what ethics are and what justice really means. Who would have imagined that a classroom teaching video series would have a viral video type of view count on youtube. You will definitely wish that you had a teacher like that. Go to youtube and spend some time on this series. You will thank me later.
Better Explained blog by Kalid Azad - This guy thinks that the way Mathematics is taught in schools is wrong and uses an intuitive approach instead. He uses a commonsensical approach and tries to relate those dry formulae to real life making you go, "Wow! I had never realised that this mathematical idea is so simple". He has earned a great fan following and you will know why once you read his blog.
THE KAIPULLAI'S VETTI THOUGHTS: This guy used to write Cracked magazine type outrageously funny pieces on Indian history. Such a supercool approach to make something as boring as history come alive.
Some more notable books:
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Robert Cialdini
The Black Swan and Fooled by Randomness by Nassim Nicholas Taleb
Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely - Outstanding experimentally-driven analysis of human irrationality.
Phantoms in the brain by Dr. Ramchandran: If you are into psychology, neuroscience, AI, cognitive science or just plain curious about brain, this is the thing.
The Ascent of Money by Niall Ferguson - An accessible and entertaining book on the history of finance.
Negotiation Genius by Deepak Malhotra, Max H. Bazerman

ಅಡಿಗ ಬೇಂದ್ರೆ ಪದ್ಯಗಳ ಅಣಕು

ಇವತ್ತು ಸುಶೀಲ್ ಸಂದೀಪ್ ಬರೆದ ಭೈರಪ್ಪಾನುಕರಣೆ ಓದಿ ನನಗೂ ಸ್ಫೂರ್ತಿ ಉಕ್ಕುಕ್ಕಿ ಬಂತು. ಫೇಸ್ಬುಕ್ಕಿನ ಬಗ್ಗೆ ಒಂದಷ್ಟು ಜನ ಖ್ಯಾತನಾಮರು ಕವಿತೆಗಳನ್ನು ಬರೆದರೆ ಹೇಗೆ ಬರೆದಾರು ಅನ್ನುವ ತಲೆಹರಟೆಯ ಕಲ್ಪನೆ. ಅರ್ಜೆಂಟಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಗೀಚಿದ್ದರಿಂದ ನಾನು ಅಂದುಕೊಂಡ ಹಾಗೆ ಬರಲಿಲ್ಲ,ಹೊಟ್ಟೆಗೆ ಹಾಕಿಕೊಳ್ಳಿ.
ಮೊದಲಿಗೆ ಬೇಂದ್ರೆ ಅಜ್ಜ:
ಫೇಸ್ಬುಕ್ಕು ಬರಿಯಾಟs
ಎಲ್ಲಾ ಮಾಯೆಯ ಮಾಟs
ಹುಡುಗಿಯರ ಫೋಟೇನ ಮಾಟೇನs
ಚಿಂತಕರ ಥಾಟೇನs
ಹುಚ್ಚು ಹುಡುಗರ ಹುಡುಗಾಟೇನs
ಶೇರು ಮಾಡ್ತಾರಾs ಕಾಲ ಕಳೀತಾರs
meme ಕೋಟುಗಳs ತೇರೇ ಎಳೀತಾರs
ಇದ್ದವ್ರ ಬರೀತಾರ
ಇಲ್ದವ್ರು ಬರ್ತಾರ
ಹೋದವ್ರ ಬರ್ತಾರ
ಇದ್ದವ್ರ ಹೋಗ್ತಾರ ಬರ್ತಾರ
ಇದ್ದದ್ದು ಇಲ್ಲದ್ಯಾವ್ದೊ ಯಣ್ಣಾ
ಮಾತು ಹೆಂಗಾರ ಹೊಮ್ಮುತಾವ |
ಒಮ್ಮೊಮ್ಮಿ ಬಂಗಾರ ಚಿಮ್ಮತಾವ |
ಹ್ಯಾಂಗಾರೆ ಕುಣಿಕುಣಿದು
ಲೈಕೊತ್ತಿ ದಣಿದಣಿದು
ನಾನೂನು ಏಸೊಂದು ನಕ್ಕೇನs
ಈ ಫೇಸುಗಳ ಮಾಯೆಗೆ ಸಿಕ್ಕೇನs !

ಈಗ ಗೋಪಾಲ ಕೃಷ್ಣ ಅಡಿಗರ ಸರದಿ :
ಅನ್ಯರು ಜರೆದುದನೆ ನಾ ತೆರೆದು
ಬರೆದು ಕೊರೆದು ಬಿನ್ನಗಾಗಿದೆ ಮನವು.
ನನ್ನ ನ್ಯೂಸು ಫೀಡಿನ ತುಂಬೆಲ್ಲ
ಏನಾದರೂ ಮಾಡುತಿರುವ ತಮ್ಮಂದಿರು
ಅದೇ ಹಳಸಲು memeಗಳ ಬಾಲವಾಡಿಸುವ ಪ್ರೇತಾತ್ಮಗಳ ಗೆರಿಲ್ಲಾಪಡೆಯವರು
ತಮ್ಮ ಪರಾಕು ಪಂಪನ್ನು ತಾವೇ ಒತ್ತಿ ಒತ್ತಿ
ಸಪ್ತ ಸಾಗರದಾಚೆಯೆಲ್ಲೋ ಇರುವ ಸುಪ್ತ ಸಾಗರದಲ್ಲೂ
ಚರಂಡಿ ನೀರ ತುಂಬಿಸುವವರು
ಲೈಕುಗಳ ಡೊಗ್ಗುಸಲಾಮು ತೇಲಿಸುವವರು
ಈ ನರಕದಿಂದ ಅಂಬೆಗಾಲಿಟ್ಟು ತಲೆಕೆಳಗು ತೆವಳುತ್ತೇರಿ
ಫಲ ಬಿಟ್ಟ ಪೋಸ್ಟುಗಳ ವೃಂದಾವನಕೆ
ಕರೆಯುವ ಮೋಹನ ಮುರಲಿಗೆ ಕಾಯುತ್ತ
ಕೀ ಬೋರ್ಡನ್ನುಜ್ಜುತ್ತ ಕೂತಿದ್ದೇನೆ ಕತ್ತಲೊಳಗೆ

ತದನಂತರ ಯೋಗರಾಜ ಭಟ್ಟರಿಂದ ಕಡೆಯ ಕವಿತೆ :
ಫೇಸು ಬುಕ್ಕಿನ ತುಂಬೆಲ್ಲ
ಕಾಪಿ ಪೇಸ್ಟು ಮಾಡುತ್ತಾ
ಪೇಸ್ಟು ಹಾಕದೇ ಕಿರಿಯುವ ಪೋಲಿ ಹಲ್ಲುಗಳು
ತಲೆ ಬಾಚ್ಕಳ್ದೆ ಲೈಕು ಬಾಚ್ ಕೊಳೋಕೆ ಆಯ್ತದೆ
ಅಂತಾ ಹಳೇ ಡವ್ವಿನ ಹೊಸಾ ಫೋಟೋಗಳಲ್ಲಿ
ಅನ್ಯಾಯವಾಗಿ ಕಳೆದುಹೋದ ಹುಡುಗರು
ಹೊಸ ಕುಕ್ಕರಿನ ತುಂಬೆಲ್ಲ ಹಳೆ ಪಾತ್ರೆ ಇಟ್ಟರೂ ಬೇಯದ ಬೇಳೆಗಳು
ಪೋಸ್ಟು ಓದಿ ಉಗಿಯುವ ವೈಫು
ಲೈಕೇ ಬೀಳದ ಪೋಸ್ಟಿನಂಗೆ ಲೈಫು